


dear daughter

by kawx



Series: Letters To a Loved One [2]
Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Sequel to Dear Brother, Will add more tags as we go through the chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2018-10-30 18:25:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10882449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kawx/pseuds/kawx
Summary: "One day, you will stand at the summit of a figurative mountain and look back on your life's journey. And, to your utter amazement, you will see how your experiences with depression, dark and painful as they were, only added to the overall beauty of your life."-Now you're just a scar, a story I tell, such an ugly mark but I wear it so well.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here we are! The sequel of Dear Brother! Hope you're all excited! 
> 
> Note: It would be ideal to read Dear Brother before reading this, as you may not understand what's going on!

_ Dear my baby girl,  _

 

_               I can't believe that you're eighteen tomorrow. It only feels like yesterday that I was bringing you home from the hospital. I had no idea what to do, I'd only read half the amount of baby books your mama did, but I learnt. I learnt that you liked to be fed out on the balcony, I guess you liked the sound of the waves. I learnt that to a baby, everything is edible and I should have not trusted Xavier, Kofi and E to look after a one year old. I learnt so much about life when I met you, so much that now as an old man I feel like I did go to college after all. The college of life. I know, you'll cringe at that. But I'm your dad and I'm allowed to say that.  _

  
  


_ Your mama would be so proud of you baby. So, so proud of your for growing into the most beautiful, most talented young woman. She’d go to all of your games and she'd cheer you on, and she'd be  _ that  _ mom who verbally attacks anyone who isn't a fan. And I know that she's watching down on you and she's cheering you on from heaven.  _

  
  


_ You look just like her, you remind me of her every day, and I know that you're going to be every bit as strong and amazing as she was.  _

  
  


_ It's going to be so quiet around here when you go to college next month. And who's going to braid papa’s hair? You know I can't do it the way you can, and he’ll get snippy with me if I do it wrong and cause a tangle. You need to teach me before you go or maybe papa will be bald when you come home.  _

  
  


_ Papa’s going to miss you so much. He's going to miss telling you not to forget the lunch I made you, miss waking you up for practice at five in the morning even though sometimes you yell at him because you don't want to wake up. He's going to miss you going to the gym with him and teaching you new things. He's so sad he's working on your birthday, but I know he's got something lovely to surprise you with when he gets home.  _

  
  


_ By now you will already have had all of your gifts from me, and I already know that while reading this you're probably playing with the stone in your necklace because that's exactly what I did when I was concentrating and had it on. But I have one more thing for you baby girl. You always asked me and Papa how we met, did he know mama? Why did we get married so late?  _

  
  


_ Well daddy's finally going to tell you how Papa and I met. Because I think you're old enough to know the truth now and I think it will appeal to you, seeing as you love those Romance novels so much.  _

  
  


_ We met a long, long time ago, and things were never exactly easy or crystal clear for us, but, we got there, in the end.  _

  
  


_ Your Papa and I met…  _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the love and response on the first chapter, I'm so glad you're all excited for this. Just to make a few things clear: This is all going to be from Roman's view, just like DB, so Roman wrote the letter in chapter one. And yes, it was a large time jump but the whole story isn't going to be set so far in the future, we're going about 5 years from where Dear Brother ended in the main chunk of the story. I hope this clears up any confusion and I hope you enjoy!

Roman hasn't been to Florida in five years, and it's strange to be back. The trip almost didn't happen, it's not easy to leave your one year old baby behind, especially because he’s the only parent she has. 

  
  


A lot has changed for Roman since he ran away to Hawaii. He's got a daughter, a daughter in every sense of the word other than blood. But she's his, and he's hers and that's all that matters in the world. When Carmella passed away giving birth, he felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest and torn into a million tiny pieces. Not only because she was his best friend, but because her little baby girl lost her mother before she had a chance to meet her. 

  
  


But his little girl, Rio, well she had a mismatched family of people all ready and willing to look after her. But it's Roman who's her daddy, her parent and legal guardian. 

  
  


He's never been away from her for more than a day, usually only a few hours when he's working but even then whoever is babysitting her always brings her to see her daddy when he's on his break. So when the time came for Roman to leave Hawaii for Nikki’s wedding, well if he wasn't giving her away he thinks maybe he might not have come. 

  
  


Roman loves Nikki with all of his heart, she's still his best friend and always will be but his baby girl needs her daddy, and it had pained him to hand her over to Nattie at the airport. He’ll be gone for a couple of weeks, three at the most, but Roman’s only been off the plane for forty minutes and he already wishes he were getting on the plane to go back home. 

  
  


He's just picked up the rental car and he's punching the address into the GPS to get to the hotel he booked. Roman hasn't told anyone he's coming back to Florida. Only Nikki and John know, seeing as he's giving her away at their wedding, but everyone else, Dean, his parents, the rest of his family, none of them know. He hasn't spoken to any of them in the time he's been gone. A whole five years without any contact with them. Which, isn't really anything knew, but Roman had at least thought maybe they'd ask where he went. Try and get in contact with him just to see if he's okay. 

  
  


They never did, though, and Roman doesn't really care. He's a different person now. He's mostly healed from everything. From all the hurt and betrayal and lies, all the heartbreak and the destructiveness that his life had become. He hasn't touched alcohol in four years, hasn't taken a Tylenol in the same time. 

  
  


It had been hard to accept that he had a problem, that he was addicted to alcohol and painkillers, because it was just a normal thing he did. Except his ribs hadn't hurt for so long. Not the type of pain that needed a whole strip of Tylenol a day. He had help from the new friends he had made and eventually, Roman’s hands stopped shaking and he stopped reaching for the bottle when his nightmares involved curly hair and dimples. 

  
  


Roman has a lot to thank his friends for. The friends he met on the first day he got to Hawaii and the friends that were the reason he never left. Nattie and Cesaro are the ones he has to thank the most. They took him in and looked after him, nursed him back to health and put him on the right path. He wouldn't be where he is today without them, wouldn't have his daughter and wouldn't be the Head Chef at one of the many posh hotels in Hawaii. 

  
  


So being back in Florida is weird. It's not home anymore, Hawaii is home and always will be, but it's still so familiar because nothing has really changed. The streets still look the same as he drives down them, still the same bars and restaurants that were open even when he was a kid. It's unreal, but Roman doesn't want to ponder for too long. He wants to get checked into his hotel, grab some food and facetime Nattie so he can check on Rio. He knows she's going to be just fine with her Aunt Nattie and Uncle Cesaro, but he's her daddy and he can't help but worry about her. 

  
  


But of course, he's Roman Reigns so he has the worst luck in the world and when he tries to check in they find that there's been a problem, a double booking, and the other people have already checked into the room and they don't have any more left. The staff, who are admittedly very sorry and extremely helpful, call around to see if any of the hotels in the area have any vacancies. 

  
  


They don't. And Roman's left with his suitcase shoved back into the trunk of his rental and not knowing what the fuck to do. In any other situation he could call Nikki and just stay at her place, but she's already got Brie and Daniel and their three children staying with them after they made the trip down from Arizona. And he is not calling his parents, or Dean. There's just no way. 

  
  


He calls a few more hotels, even the less rated ones because he's desperate here but apparently every man and his dog have decided to stay in a hotel at the time that Roman really needs a room. He decides to get food and think the situation over more, think about what he really wants to do. 

  
  


Roman drives to Panda Express because he's craving Chinese food and heads inside. He orders a ton of food, even though he's going to have to eat it in his car. God, what is he going to do, where's he going to stay- 

  
  


“Roman, is that you?” A voice pulls Roman out of his thoughts, and he turns to where the voice came from behind him and his heart leaps into his throat. Seth. 

  
  


“Uh Seth, hey. Yeah, yeah it's me.” He laughs awkwardly, because could this day get any worse? He hadn't wanted Dean or his family to know he was here, not until Nikki’s wedding at least because Dean and Seth are bound to be there. 

  
  


“Oh my god, I, I hardly recognised you, you've changed so much. How long have you been back?” Seth asks, and as he speaks Roman takes a moment to clock all the changes in Seth. He's filled out a lot, a lot more muscle definition than he used to have and he's finally gotten rid of that stupid blonde patch in the side of his head. He's got his glasses still, and he's wearing a hoodie over skinny jeans which is  _ nothing  _ new. 

  
  


“I actually just got here. It's only for Nikki’s wedding.” Roman explains with a soft smile.

  
  


“Right, right of course!” Seth says, “are you staying with Dean?” Roman stops in his tracks, blinking at Seth like he has two heads. Staying with Dean? What? 

  
  


“Uh, no, I was gonna’ stay in a hotel but there was double bookings… what do you mean am I staying with Dean? Aren't you…” and then it's Seth's turn to blink at Roman. 

  
  


“You don't know, do you? God, he never fucking told you.” Seth scoffs shaking his head. “Dean and I aren't together anymore, haven't been for a while.” He says with a shrug but the words come as a shock to Roman. How come he didn't know? Why hadn't Nikki or John told him? 

  
  


“Oh.. no I uh, didn't know. Rocky divorce?” 

  
  


Seth laughs, “Jesus no. We never even made it down the isle, he was cheating on me with another one of the nurses at work. I caught him fucking him in one of the supply closets.” Seth says, and he sounds so unaffected but Roman feels sick. He should have told Seth about Dean before he left and maybe none of this would have happened. 

  
  


“Well I'm sorry, you deserve better than that.” 

  
  


Seth gives him a soft smile, “It’s whatever, I guess. Hey, you know, if you need somewhere to stay, I have a spare room. I have two spare rooms, actually.” 

  
  


Roman raises an eyebrow, somehow shocked my Seth’s proposition. It's not like Seth isn't a nice guy, he always has been and that's what infuriated Roman so much when they were kids because you just  _ couldn't  _ hate someone as nice as Seth. But, God, is he really offering his ex’s brother a place to stay so casually? 

  
  


“Are you sure? I don't, I don’t wanna’ intrude or anything.” 

  
  


“Yeah of course I'm sure!” Seth says quickly with a smile, “It would be nice to have some company for a while, I don't really get to talk to many people besides my patients.” He says quieter and pushes his glasses up his nose. 

  
  


“That would be great, thanks. It’ll only be for a couple of weeks and I'll stay out of your hair for the most part anyway, Nikki’s got me on a bit of schedule with this whole wedding thing.” 

  
  


Seth laughs, “Is she bridezilla?” 

  
  


“Not really, she's just kinda, taking everyone's rolls so seriously you know? I'm giving her away, and apparently that means I have to go to her final dress fitting and another million and one things she wants to do before her wedding. And then there's John’s bachelor party that he’s insisting I go on even though I told him that I wasn't going to be much fun not drinking.” 

  
  


“They're just excited you're back, dude. It's been a long ass time.” 

  
  


Roman smiles, “I know. I feel kinda bad that it's been so long since I made a trip back, but Nikki came to visit me not too long ago, so it's not too bad.” He says, just as the server behind the counter calls them both for their food. 

  
  


“You wanna take this back to my place and pig out while we catch up?” Seth says with another soft smile on his face, holding the bag of Chinese take out up for emphasis. 

  
  
“Yeah,” Roman smiles. “That sounds great.” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I went to visit my friends for the weekend! I hope you're all enjoying this and thanks for all the amazing response. Some confusion on Roman and his daughter is cleared up in this question but anymore questions feel free to ask. Enjoy!

Roman drives to Seth’s house with Seth in the front seat directing him because he doesn't have a car. 

 

 

“I had a car, but then when Dean and I split I wanted to keep the house. He's in the process of signing it over to me  _ still  _ and so I'm paying both our halves of the mortgage seeing as he no longer lives there and I just couldn't afford a car too. So I sold it and I get the bus to work.” Seth tells him while they're driving. 

 

 

“What about night shifts, when no buses run?” 

 

 

“I walk.” 

 

 

And for some reason, that doesn't sit right with Roman. Not at all. Seth walking home alone in the middle of the night? Anything could happen to him.

 

 

“That's, that's really dangerous, Seth.” 

 

 

“Yeah well, it's what I have to do so I don't have to move back into my mom’s anyway.” He says with a sigh. “Take a left here and then the second right, it's just down that road. The one with the black garage door.” 

 

 

Roman follows his directions and pulls up onto the empty driveway. 

 

 

“Big house, it's beautiful.” 

 

 

“Yeah well, Dean and I were planning a wedding and a couple of kids until I caught him and Sami. It was meant to be our forever home but now it's just a lonely prison.” Seth says, and it's the first time Roman hears bitterness in Seth’s tone. Hears the sadness and the bitterness in the words  _ forever home  _ and  _ lonely prison.  _

 

 

Roman just takes his and Seth’s Chinese take out so that Seth can let them in and he follows him into the kitchen diner, setting them on the table. 

 

 

“You want a beer?” Seth asks, and Roman laughs a little softly. It's strange how he doesn't even get the desire for alcohol anymore. No “I wish I could drink.”

 

 

“Uh no thanks, I uh, don't drink anymore.” Roman says before he adds on, “I kind of can't.” Because Seth’s a nurse and he’ll understand. 

 

 

Seth grabs two sodas from the fridge and some cutlery before sitting down. “Mind if I ask why?” 

 

 

“You were right, that day you came to my apartment and told me I didn't look like myself. I  _ wasn't  _ myself. At least not a version of myself I wanted to be. I was addicted to alcohol and painkillers, had been since that summer I fucked up my ribs in that game. That was seven years, and now my insides are permanently fucked up from everything I put them through. I gotta take the best care of them I can. Haven't touched alcohol or painkillers, well any type of medicine really, in four years.” Roman explains while digging into his chow mein. 

 

 

“I knew it had to be more than fresher air that was making you look so good.” Seth says with a smile before a blush creeps over his face and he looks down into his food. 

 

 

“Yeah, its, I’m good now you know? I'm in a good place. I got a family, a job, I got the life I never thought I was going to have. I'm not that skinny, substance abusing guy anymore. I'm the Roman I was always supposed to be.” 

 

 

“You got a family?” Is what Seth takes from that, and Roman grins. 

 

 

“Yeah. I got a daughter.” He says and Roman just usually leaves it at that when he tells people about his family. He's a single dad looking after his little girl with a little help from his friends. But Seth’s not just people, Seth’s an old  _ friend  _ and he wants to tell him the story. 

 

 

“She's my daughter, but she's not my biological daughter.” He says before Seth can say anything. “My best friend, she, she,” and Roman can't really bring himself to say it. His best friend, attacked, raped, all because he changed shift and couldn't meet her coming home from work. He can't say it, so he settles with, “She got pregnant, and she didn't want to not have a father on the baby's birth certificate, and seeing as I was going to be in her life anyway we decided that it would be a good idea to put my name down as the father.” He says and his chest tightens at what he's about to say next. It's been a year but it hurts so  _ much.  _

 

 

“Carmella died giving birth to her baby, and I took her little girl as my own from that moment on. She's not my daughter but she's my  _ daughter.”  _ Roman explains, and it's such a familiar situation. He swears he's said those words before but with a different relation. 

 

 

“You're a good man Roman.” Seth says softly, reaching out across the table to give Roman’s arm a soft squeeze. Roman smiles. 

 

 

“I've tried to make up for everything that's happened you know? For years I just lived a selfish life just shoving toxins into my body and not wanting to exist but now, I have to live and look after my little girl because her mother can't.” 

 

 

“What's she called?” Seth asks. 

 

 

“Rio, Rio Macy.” 

 

 

“Rio as in Rio De Janeiro?” 

 

 

“Rio as in the Duran Duran song, it was Carmella’s favourite song. It was  _ her  _ song. She was a dancer and she performed for tourists on the beach. Carmella was Rio and it only fit that her daughter was too.” 

 

 

“That's beautiful. Do you have a picture of her?” Roman grins wide at how interested Seth seems in his life and he happily pulls out his phone and shows him the picture of Rio and himself that Nattie took that's set as his lock screen. 

 

 

“She, she actually kind of looks like you…” Seth says, confused but still smiling. 

 

 

“Yeah well, it's kind of a blessing. The, biological father, a Hawaiian native, is obviously Polynesian. Samoan’s are Polynesian too so I guess he looked pretty similar to me, in skin colour anyway. No one else knows that she's  _ not  _ my biological daughter. Carmella and I, we told everyone but Nattie and Cesaro that she was  _ mine,  _ played it off as a one night stand and that's all we’ll ever tell anyone, she's never going to know anything different, she doesn't need to know.” And Roman doesn't know why it's so easy for him to tell Seth all of this when he's usually so choked up about talking about it. He guesses he's just always been able to talk to Seth about things because Seth listens. He always has. 

 

 

“So Hawaii, that's where you’ve been huh?” And Seth smirks as he chews his way through a salt and pepper chicken strip dunked in sweet and sour sauce, some caught in his beard. 

 

 

“Yeah,” Roman laughs. “Hawaii is home now. It's beautiful.” 

 

 

“I bet,” Seth answers wistfully and Roman can see that longing in his face, that longing that Roman had had a long time before he left for Hawaii, that longing to no longer be in a place that makes you unhappy. 

 

 

“Tough couple of months huh?” 

 

 

Seth laughs sarcastically, “Tough couple of years, more like.” He says leaning back in his chair and taking a sip of his soda. “I thought I was going to get it all, you know. I got the job I wanted, got a beautiful home, thought I had the best boyfriend who I'd been with for nearly ten years and was planning to marry, only to find out he'd been cheating on me for ages and didn't really give a fuck about me at all. I'm thirty and I just don't know where I'm going in my life.” Seth rants, and Roman lets him. It's clear that Seth’s been keeping everything he's feeling inside of him with how it all rushes out so quickly and his eyes go red with tears that are threatening to spill. “I'm thirty and I sit alone in a big house playing video games until I go to bed and wake up the next morning doing the same thing.” 

 

 

Roman bites his lip, feeling more than a twinge of sympathy for him. God, why hadn't he told Seth about Dean before he left? Maybe then Seth would have been happily married to someone else and living the life he'd always pictured for himself. 

 

 

“You not tried dating again?” 

 

 

Seth scoffs, “I just, ten years is a lot to be with someone you know? Dean, he's, he's the only person I've ever  _ been  _ with. Only person I've ever kiss-” Seth stops then and blushes, ah. They kissed once upon a time. “Well. You know. I've never been with anyone else. I was comfortable with him, I never ever pictured my life with anyone but him after we'd been together through college. I thought it was real.” Seth sighs. “But I was stupid.” 

 

 

Roman feels guilt swirl in his stomach. Seth might not have caught him and Dean together the second time, but still, he snuck around behind his back and never told him. 

 

 

“I have to tell you something. And I, I wouldn't blame you if you kicked me out of your house afterwards.” Roman starts and Seth looks across at him with wide eyes. 

 

 

“In that time, that time between when you came back from college and when you told me and my parents that you and Dean were engaged… we were, we were sleeping together.” 

 

 

Seth raises an eyebrow but there's no anger on his face, no screams for him to get out, so Roman continues. 

 

 

“I swear to God I wouldn't haven't slept with him had I known that you were engaged. He told me that you two were having issues and that you'd probably be over soon, and I just stupidly believed him because I never saw you until you turned up at my apartment. He played me, us, both for a fool again and I'm really sorry. I should have told you before I left but I just didn't want to ruin your life.” 

 

 

Seth’s drinking his soda again, sniffling into the can before he sets it down. 

 

 

“I guess I always  _ knew. _ ” He says, smiling almost sadly. “I could always tell when the bed hadn't been slept in because Dean couldn't make a bed the way I could.” And Roman waits for more, waits for Seth to get angry and shout at him and tell him that he ruined his life and that he hates him. But he doesn't. He's just silent as he shoves more noodles into his mouth. 

 

 

“You're not gonna’ throw me out?” 

 

 

Seth laughs, “No, Ro. I'm not. Because we both got our hearts broken by the same man we did nothing but love and I can't begrudge you for that. I just, can I ask some questions?”

 

 

Roman nods. He guesses they're finally going to have the conversation they never had the chance to have. “Sure, go ahead.” 

 

 

“When we were kids, when I caught you in your room, was all you'd done was kiss?” 

 

 

Roman leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. “No, we’d, we’d slept together once.” 

 

 

“H-how long had it been going on?” 

 

 

“A few weeks, a month maybe? I can't remember.” 

 

 

“Who started it?” 

 

 

“Dean. He kissed me first, I-I'd had feelings for him for a while but I'd never said anything. I was too scared to because, because he was my brother. But then he kissed me. He never told me about being with you.” 

 

 

Seth laughs, almost sardonically. “I don't understand how we could both never see it. Never see just how much he  _ lies. _ ” He says, looking at Roman before carrying on. “He told me that you'd only kissed that one time, and it was just a stupid mistake where you both got caught up in the moment and that's why I took him back. I believed him because I'd never known him to lie before.” 

 

 

Hurt and betrayal and rejection bubbles up in Roman’s chest for the first time in a while. The fact that Dean just, just wrote him off as a  _ mistake  _ when Dean was the only thing that kept him going in school. No wonder Seth took him back so quickly. 

 

 

“It was so much more than that, that’s why it fucked me up so much.” Roman says, his voice wavering a little bit because he hasn't thought about the hurt in such a long time. 

 

 

“I understand. God we’re both sorry cases huh? Played us both like a damn fiddle until he got caught.” 

 

 

“At least, at least you didn't marry him and then find out.” Roman says softly as he stacks his empty Chinese take out boxes together. 

 

 

“Every grey cloud has a silver lining, I guess.” Seth says stacking his own empty containers. He finishes the rest of his soda before giving Roman a soft smile. “Wanna’ dump this and play video games? Kinda sick of depressing conversation now.” 

 

 

Roman smiles, standing up and helping Seth clear the table. 

 

 

“Video games sounds great.” 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad you're all enjoying this and the last chapter cleared up some confusion. Hope you enjoy this!

Roman wakes up the next morning feeling refreshed and far comfier than he would probably be in a hotel bed, and he checks his phone for the time before texting Nattie to check up on Rio. He’d face timed her last night but his little girl had been asleep, and he hadn't heard any of her cute noises or attempts to say words. He misses her  _ so  _ much. When he's done that, he pulls on a t-shirt and some shorts from his bag and heads down stairs where he can smell coffee brewing. 

 

 

“Morning,” 

 

 

“Oh, hey. Sorry, I'm not used to having company in the morning. Did I wake you?” 

 

 

“No, not at all. I usually wake early, don't worry.” He says, and he looks Seth up and down. He’s got his hair in a neat bun at the base of his neck with his cute chunky glasses on and his scrubs leave nothing to the imagination as they curve over his ass. He remembers seeing Seth’s naked ass briefly once when they were kids and he can only think that it's gotten better. 

 

 

“Ro, you want coffee or not?” 

 

 

Roman blushes a little and nods, “Yeah, please, thanks.” Seth smiles softly at him and starts pouring him a coffee and Roman runs upstairs to grab his phone to check for a response from Nattie. There isn't one, but he has a text from Nikki asking him if he's going to meet her for coffee in an hour. He can do that, and he can drop Seth off at work on his way to, save him from catching the bus. 

 

 

“Hey, you want a lift to work? It's the least I can for letting me stop here.” Roman asks when he gets back into the kitchen and a big smile breaks over Seth’s face as he hands him his coffee. 

 

 

“Are you sure? I really don't need you to do anything for me I'm more than happy to have you here.” 

 

 

“Yeah it's no problem, I'm driving that way to see Nikki anyway I wouldn't let you catch the bus.” 

 

 

“Thanks Ro.” He says before he laughs, “You never said what you did for a job.” 

 

 

“I'm a chef, head chef actually, literally got the promotion a month ago.” He smiles and it feels good to say that because he's actually so proud of himself. 

 

 

Seth laughs lifting his coffee up to his face to take a sip and groaning when it steams up his glasses. 

 

 

“What?” 

 

 

“Do you remember that first time I met your family, not long after your injury and you'd helped your mom cook the dinner?” 

 

 

Roman groans, he doesn't particularly want to remember that period of his life. But he does. 

 

 

“Yeah?”

 

 

“She said cooking was your hidden talent.” He grins and Roman can't help but laugh. He actually remembers that, remembers how Seth had stuck up for him when his dad said that he would probably mess up that as well. 

 

 

“Guess she had a sixth sense.” 

 

 

“How'd you get into it?” 

 

 

“Well the people who looked after me when I got there owned a bar, and I'd help out sometimes, and one day someone rented the bar out for a party and they wanted food. So me Nattie and Cesaro catered it ourselves, then when they realised I could cook they forced me to apply for chef positions and I did. Got the job and worked my way up.” 

 

 

“Just needed a little push huh?” 

 

 

“Just a little push.” Roman repeats, and Seth grins and pats his arm as he goes to finish getting his stuff together and Roman takes the quickest shower ever before meeting him back downstairs and then both of them getting in the car. 

 

 

“What time do you finish?” Roman asks as they drive to the hospital. 

 

 

“Seven, why?” 

 

 

“I’ll pick you up and then I'll cook us some dinner okay?” 

 

 

“A-are you sure? I can catch the-” 

 

 

“You're not catching the bus when I'm here with a working car okay? Now just accept it.” 

 

 

Seth smiles and there's a faint blush on his cheeks that spreads down to his neck that's exposed from the v-neck scrubs his wearing. “I don't think anyone's cooked for me since I left for college and my mom made a huge last meal.” 

 

 

Roman feels another pang of sympathy for Seth. He sounds so  _ lonely  _ just like Roman had felt before he left for Hawaii and found a new family. “Well while you have a chef bunking in your home let him cook for you okay?” 

 

 

“Okay,” Seth says softly as Roman draws up to the front of the hospital. “Thanks Roman.” 

 

 

“No worries, I’ll be here at seven. Have a good day, Seth.” He smiles and waves as Seth gets out and hitches his bag over his shoulder, waving back and jogging into the hospital entrance. Roman scolds himself when he watches Seth’s ass instead of driving away instantly. It's been too long. He drives off shaking the images away and puts the address of the coffee shop he's meeting Nikki in into the GPS in the car. 

 

 

It's a ten minute drive away but he's there a couple of minutes early and he sits there watching people run on by until he sees Nikki walking towards the shop. He grins as he gets out of his car and when Nikki sees him she squeals excitedly. 

 

 

“Ro!” She jumps into his arms and wraps herself around him. “I've missed you so much!” 

 

 

“I missed you too Nik,” he says as he sets her down onto the pavement and kisses her forehead. She's changed a little since he last saw her a couple of months ago when Nikki and John came over to Hawaii to see him. Her hairs darker now and she's got extensions in making it fall straight down her back. “How have you been?” 

 

 

“Great, really, just super stressed about my wedding that's in a week and a half.” She says making a face that looks like she's smiling but can tell she's stressed as hell. 

 

 

“It's all going to work out, Nik. Like, what's left for you to do?” 

 

 

Nikki sighs as she pushes her way into the coffee shop and fishes in her bag to get her purse. Roman stops her, stepping in front of her and ordering and paying for it before she can. She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. Nikki knows better than to argue with him. 

 

 

“I've got the last dress fitting that you've got to come with me to, there's something wrong with the flowers so I might have to order more and they will not be ready in time!” She flails as they sit down at a table. 

 

 

“Well what's wrong with the ones on order?” 

 

 

“I don't know Ro, the florist just said something about a disease, and not enough flowers, that they might not last the day. It's just, everything's been going right up until now and it just sucks that it's going wrong when the day is so close.” Roman reaches out and touches her arm patting it gently. 

 

 

“It's going to be okay, Nikki. It always works out in the end, and no matter what flowers you have, it's going the most beautiful wedding, because it's you and John.” 

 

 

Nikki smiles softly and seems settled by Roman’s words. “You always know what to say, Ro. Thank you.” He smiles and squeezes her hand before taking a sip of his coffee. 

 

 

“So how's everything? How is my little niece?” 

 

 

Roman smiles at the thought of Rio. “Oh she's great, she's starting to get the basis of words, now. The pediatrician said she was going to be a little slow with talking but she would eventually get it so. She's great.” 

 

 

Nikki coos, “Aw I miss her. I need to come to Hawaii once the wedding and the honeymoon is over and see her. I bet she's growing so fast.” 

 

 

“Oh yeah, she's getting a chunky baby just like her daddy was.” 

 

 

“I bet you miss her a lot.” 

 

 

“Oh yeah, first time ever without her for more than a couple of hours. I'm really feeling the loneliness. Not being able to hold her in my arms? It's horrible.” 

 

 

“What hotel are you in again?” 

 

 

That makes Roman pause. He hasn't actually gotten around to telling Nikki he’s staying with Seth, seeing as it was only yesterday and they spent the majority of it talking and playing video games. 

 

 

“The hotel was actually a bust. They double booked.” 

 

 

“Oh, did they transfer you?” 

 

 

“No, there wasn't anywhere else.” 

 

 

Nikki’s brow creases, “So where are you staying?”

 

 

Roman swallows and bites his lip, “I’m staying with Seth.” 

 

 

“Seth? As in Seth Rollins? Your brother's ex?” 

 

 

“Why didn't you tell me they didn't get married?” Roman interjects, ignoring the question. 

 

 

“Because Dean told me he wanted to tell you himself and that we weren't to tell you, didn't he tell you?” 

 

 

“No!” Roman says, and he feels a pang of hurt go through him. If his brother didn't tell him, and wouldn't let anyone else tell him, then he was purposefully didn't want Roman to know. 

 

 

“How are you even staying with Seth?” Nikki asks, desperate to get back to the subject. 

 

 

“After the hotel went bust, I went to get take out from Panda Express and decide what to do. I was going to call you, you know just ask if I could crash on your couch until I found another hotel, but then I saw Seth and he offered me his spare room and once I found out he wasn't with Dean anymore I didn't have a reason to say no and it means I'm not searching for hotels or crashing on your couch when your house is already full.” 

 

 

Nikki makes a face, “So what’s it like?” 

 

 

“What's what like?” 

 

 

“Living with Seth, he's your brother’s ex, the brother you were extremely in love with and made you hate Seth with a burning passion?” 

 

 

Well, it's not like he hated Seth with a  _ burning passion _ , just kind of, wanted everything he had. But now Seth has nothing and Roman has the perfect life and he feels so sorry for him. 

 

 

“It's fine. More than fine really. I didn't hate him when he wasn't fucking my brother and now he's not  _ and  _ I'm over Dean, there’s nothing in between us.” Roman says before biting his lip, “And besides, he's actually, kind of cute.” 

 

 

Nikki’s eyes popped wide, “What? Are you calling Seth Rollins cute?” 

 

 

“Yeah,” He blushes softly, “He's gotten rid of that stupid blonde patch in his hair and he's filled out a little in  _ all  _ of the right places. I'm just being a man with eyes, Nikki.” 

 

 

“I'm in shock. I can't believe you just called Seth cute. Do I even want you to give me away anymore?” 

 

 

“Yes you do, you wouldn't want anyone else to do it.” 

 

 

“You're right. And I'm only joking, if you think Seth’s cute then I'm not going to begrudge you for it. I think that would be a right kick up Dean’s ass, the two of you? I'd love to see it just to see the look on Dean’s face.” Nikki grins. 

 

 

“Slow down, cowgirl, just because I said he was cute doesn't mean anythings going to happen.” 

 

 

“I know I'm just saying. Fate has a funny way of working things, doesn't it? I mean, when I was eighteen if you'd have told me I was marrying John Cena then I would have laughed in your face and told you to not so politely fuck off. But here I am, thirty years old and marrying the man I love more than anything in the world. And he just happens to be John Cena. Stranger things have happened than you and Seth.” 

 

 

Roman rubs at his eyes, he doesn't need to be thinking about this. Not when he’d scolded himself for staring at Seth’s ass this morning. He  _ can't  _ think about this, right? 

 

 

“So what time is the last dress fitting next week?” Roman asks to change the subject, and thankfully Nikki lets him and she starts going on about times and how she's having it altered and he listens and tries not to drift off into his own world. 

 

 

They sit in the coffee shop for a couple of hours talking and arranging things, catching up on everything from the last few months and going through pictures of Rio while Nikki coos and talks about how much she can't wait to be a mother. 

 

 

In early afternoon they part, and Roman drops her home and is dragged into the house to see John and Brie and Daniel and their three children. They've grown so much since the last pictures he saw of them, especially the two twins who are now six, and their two year old Birdie is growing  _ so  _ fast and it makes him think about how fast Rio is going to grow in front of his own eyes. 

 

 

He leaves around five o’clock, because he gets talking to John about football and Calvin and his recent success in racking up yardage every game, and he ends up showing Brie so many pictures and videos of Rio and Brie claims she wants another baby and Daniel’s face goes white and he takes that as his cue to leave. He's only got a couple of hours until he has to pick Seth up from the hospital, so he decides to go to the grocery store and pick up the ingredients for tonight's dinner. 

 

 

Roman calls Nattie as he does so, and he manages to catch Rio not sleeping and they swap to FaceTime so he can see her. He misses her more than anything, her beautiful little smiling face is wide on his screen and she claps her hands as she claps her hand and giggles “daaada!” Into the receiver. 

 

 

She giggles again and keeps clapping her hands as she does an excited nod, playing with Nattie’s hair. 

 

 

“How's she doing?” Roman asks, picking up fresh pasta and putting it into his basket. 

 

 

“Great, honestly. She calls for you, obviously, but Cesaro and I are usually quick to distract her with something. I think it helps that she's always around us even when you are. We’re familiar to her and it makes her feel comfortable.” 

 

 

That makes Roman feel better, it would break his heart if he knew she was crying out constantly for him. And he knows that she's in amazing hands with Cesaro and Nattie. They chat for a while longer until Rio starts protesting that she wants food and Nattie has to give into her. They end the facetime and Roman shoves his phone back into his pocket and continues shopping for the rest of the ingredients. 

 

 

Roman makes it to the hospital with ten minutes to spare, and he parks up at the front of it and pulls out his phone to play with it while he waits. However he can't get the conversation he had with Nikki out of his head. All he did was call Seth cute, it's only the truth, anyone can see it, but the way she'd spoken about fate, and her and John, it just, how could she read so much into it? Why did she have to make Roman feel weird about thinking Seth was good looking? Roman’s god damn  _ kissed  _ him before and it never felt this weird. (Maybe he was high as fuck then but still). 

 

 

His thoughts are cut short when Seth opens the door and gets in the car with a soft smile on his face. “Hey, thanks for this Ro. It's really nice not getting the bus for once.” Seth says with a happy sigh as he buckles himself in and Roman pulls away. 

 

 

“Like I said, it's no bother. There's no point me sitting at your home with a car on the drive while you sit on the bus. It's the least I can do for you.” He says, “So how was your day?” 

 

 

“Long and tiring, we’re short staffed right now and Dean’s on annual leave at the moment so we’re a doctor short and we have to kind of fill in for him which, patients get kinda rowdy about because they want to see a doctor, and not a nurse.” 

 

 

“That sounds like it really sucks, people can be asses even when they're sick and you're trying to help.” Roman says as he drives down the freeway. 

 

 

“You're telling me. The amount of times I've nearly been punched just because I'm trying to  _ help  _ is astronomical.” Seth says with a light scoff, “Anyway, how about you? How was your day?” 

 

 

“Caught up with Nikki, listened to her talk about wedding stuff and tried to help her not have a meltdown about flowers.” He says, and Seth just laughs. 

 

 

“I think I'd rather nearly get punched by someone I'm trying to put a catheter in.” He says with a shake of his head and Roman can't help but laugh with him. The rest of the ride follows much the same, light, easy conversation flowing between them until Roman pulls up on Seth’s driveway. 

 

 

“I hope you like seafood, because that's what I'm cooking for dinner.” 

 

 

“I  _ love  _ seafood.” Seth says as he goes to unlock the front door before he stops. “Oh no.” He says and Roman’s brow creases as Seth opens the already unlocked door and steps inside. 

 

 

“What?” Roman asks as they step into the house, but Roman doesn't need Seth to answer when  _ Dean  _ emerges from the kitchen once he's heard the door open. 

 

 

“Hey Seth I just came to-” And Dean’s sentence practically melts in his mouth when his eyes fall on Roman, and Roman’s heart pounds in his chest. He had not planned on this. He was stupid not to. But he hadn't. Fuck. 

 

 

“Roman.” Dean says, shocked, before his face goes hard. 

 

 

“What are you doing  _ here _ ?” 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the bit of a wait here, I had the most awful day yesterday and when I got over it just didn't feel like editing this and putting it up. But I'm here now. Roman has some revelations.

Seth breaks the tension in the air by slamming his bag down on the kitchen table. “What are  _ you  _ doing here Dean?” 

 

 

Dean almost growls as he answers, “I came to give you some papers to sign that start the transfer of the house, what the fuck is Roman doing here?” 

 

 

“He's back for Nikki’s wedding and he needed a place to stay.” Seth says simply for him, and Roman's grateful for that he really is. 

 

 

“And you didn't think to call me or our parents?” Dean growls turning on him. Roman feels his heart clench in his chest as he's reminded of how things ended between him and his brother. 

 

 

“The last time I spoke to you, I told you never to contact me again. Hardly makes you a candidate of someone I want to shack up with for three weeks.” Roman finally manages to say, going towards the kitchen counter and setting down the ingredients he's bought for dinner. 

 

 

“So you picked my ex-fiancé?” 

 

 

“It wasn't as simple as that,” Seth chimes in, “And anyway, you have no right to be here. How many times have I told you to leave your keys on your way out? I don't want you in my home Dean.” 

 

 

Dean bristles at that, and Roman can see that old tell tale sign of Dean getting wound up by how his eyes crinkle inwards. “Until it's signed over it's still half my house.” 

 

 

“Not if I'm paying your half too.” Seth spits back and Roman can't help but feel a little defensive of Seth and almost a little protective. He's his friend after all, even if they've only properly rekindled it over the past day, he of all people know just how manipulative his brother can be.

 

 

“Give Seth the keys back, Dean.” Roman says, calmly starting to chop tomatoes and onions for the salsa he's making. 

 

 

“Excuse me?” Dean asks, his voice shocked. Roman doesn't look at Dean as he repeats what he just said. 

 

 

“Give Seth the keys.” 

 

 

Dean makes no move to give Seth the keys, just stands there shocked, almost dumbly as if he can't believe that Roman is taking Seth’s side. It's been too many years of Roman constantly sticking up for Dean and finding no fault in him at all. Finally, Roman turns around and walks over to Dean with his palm outstretched. 

 

 

“Keys.” Roman says just as calmly, waiting for Dean to put them in his hand. He waits a few beats, staring at his brother pointedly before Dean finally shoves them into his hand. Roman turns and hands them to Seth with a smile before he turns back to chopping up the ingredients for the salsa. There's a calm but tension filled silence before Seth once again breaks it. 

 

 

“Can you just give me what you came to give me and leave, please?” 

 

 

Roman hears Dean shuffle before he hands something that sounds like an envelope to him. “You just gotta sign it to say you're willing to have me sign the house over to you. Then proceedings can start.” 

 

 

“Fucking finally, took you long enough.” Seth says, and Roman hears Dean sigh before there's another long silence. “Is there anything else?” Seth snaps. 

 

 

“Er no, no just that. Guess I'll see you at work when I'm back.” Dean says and Seth makes a noise. Dean sighs again before the sound of his footsteps start and he leaves, the door slams on his way out and Seth lets out a long breath just after it. 

 

 

“I'm so, so sorry Rome. I completely forgot that he still just walks in here unannounced.” Seth says apologetically and Roman turns to him and shakes his head. 

 

 

“It's not your fault Seth, you don't have to apologise okay? I was going to see him at some point.” 

 

 

“But it wasn't on your terms, you didn't want it like that-” 

 

 

“And that still isn't your fault Seth. He just barged in here. Don't blame yourself for something that you had no control over.” Roman says softly and Seth sighs before scrubbing his hands over his face. 

 

 

“Okay, I'm sorry. Sorry. I just I hate him so much. Every time I see him it just hurts so much.” He says quietly into his hands. And that hurts Roman, because Seth looks and sounds so broken. Just like he was when he ran away to Hawaii. And now Roman’s fixed himself, had time to heal, Seth is the one hurting. 

 

 

“I know, I know.” Roman says stepping over to him slowly and peeling Seth’s hands away from his face. “But you'll get over him. I promise you, you will. I did and it was the best day of my life when I realised I didn't need him.” 

 

 

Seth looks up at him with a such a sad, scared expression that it kind of really hurts Roman’s heart. He wonders if that's how he used to look. 

 

 

“How? How did you get over him?” 

 

 

“Moving away helped a lot. Not having to see him everywhere I went. Having friends around me that just wanted me to be happy and did everything they could to help me.” Roman says. “It wasn't easy. I won't lie to you and say that it didn't take long. Took me a couple of years, but the day I was able to stop having nightmares about him and start thinking about being with someone else other than him? That day was the best of my life.” 

 

 

Seth just keeps looking up at him, some tears welling up in his eyes. Roman smiles softly tucking a little bit of fly away hair behind Seth’s ear. “Why don't you go and take a shower and get out of your scrubs, and when you come down dinner will be ready for you.” 

 

 

Seth bites his lip and wipes his eyes before nodding. “Thanks, Rome. What’re you making?” 

 

 

“Island Fish Taco’s. One of my specialities in the restaurant.” 

 

 

“Sounds amazing.” Seth says and Roman smiles giving him a little nudge. 

 

 

“Go on, off you go.” Seth goes flashing Roman another smile, and Roman smiles back at him before going back to cutting up the tomatoes. 

 

 

He makes the salsa and then makes the garlic dressing to go on top before he starts on the fish. He takes his time, much longer than he does in the restaurant because he actually does have time. Plates everything up and sets it on the table. He's just plating up their soft taco shells when Seth comes down, dressed in a large hoodie with some band on it Roman doesn't know and some worn looking grey sweats. His hair's wet around his shoulders and he's got his glasses on. Roman doesn't think Seth’s ever looked so cute. 

 

 

“That smells  _ amazing. _ ” Seth says as he sits down at the dinner table. Roman grins as he sets the last of the food down at sits down opposite.

 

 

“Well I hope you like it, it's got good reviews on tripadvisor.” Roman laughs. 

 

 

Seth makes himself a taco filling it up the way Roman likes to see and takes a huge bite. His face melts into pleasure and he moans softly. 

 

 

“Fuck, Ro, that is  _ so  _ good.” Seth says, his eyes rolling back into his head. Roman grins taking a bite of his own. 

 

 

“Seriously, if someone could cook for me like this every day I'd be the happiest man on earth.” He says as he chews. 

 

 

That makes Roman happy, that his food makes Seth happy. 

 

 

“Well while I'm here i’ll be cooking for you every night.” 

 

 

They eat their dinner in relative silence, only talking a little bit about their days but mostly eating all the food Roman had cooked. When they're finished, Seth tries to load the dishwasher but Roman pushes him gently towards the living room. “Go and sit down and find a movie or something, I’ll do this.” 

 

 

“Roman you cooked it's only fair I clean up.” 

 

 

“You've been at work all day and I haven't, now sit down and find something for us to watch. Don't argue with me Rollins.” Seth laughs softly and heads into the living room. 

 

 

Roman loads the dishwasher and clears everything up before heading into the living room. Seth is curled up on the sofa and Roman joins him sitting on the other side. 

 

 

“I found an old sit com kind of movie, how does that sound to you?” 

 

 

“Sounds great.” Roman says getting comfortable. It's been awhile since he's just sat down with someone and watched a movie. He watches movies with Natalya and Cesaro sometimes but it's not the same, they're always curled up together and Roman is on his own (if Rio is awake he will cuddle with her, but she's normally asleep by then) so sitting on the sofa with someone, their feet just about touching is nice. Even if it's barely nothing. 

 

 

They watch the movie in mostly silence, only talking when there's a lull in the action or an ad break. About twenty minutes before the movie ends, Roman looks over to Seth to see that he's fallen asleep. He can't help but stare at him, looking so soft and cute all curled up on his side. His glasses are crooked from where he's leaning on the palm of his hand and his mouth is hanging slightly open as he snores ever so quietly. 

 

 

Roman flicks the television off and quietly steps over to Seth. He doesn't want to wake him up, he looks too peaceful for that. And he doesn't want to leave him here, not to tear up his back with his log shift tomorrow, so Roman gently slides his arms under him and lifts him off the couch. After going so skinny while being addicted to pills and alcohol, Roman had taken to working out religiously to get into some kind of shape. It worked, he's now well built with lots of muscle. The kind of shape he wished he'd been in back in high school. So carrying Seth up the stairs and to his bedroom is easy. Seths put on weight and muscle and isn't the skinny boy he was as a teen, but he's still not huge. 

 

 

Roman carries Seth up the stairs and to what he supposes is Seth’s room, judging by some of the pictures and posters that are lining the walls. He sets him down in the bed and watches as Seth relaxes into it. He doesn't wake up, so Roman takes the initiative to take Seth’s glasses off and put them on the bedside table. He looks at him for a moment before deciding to try and get his hoodie off. They're not comfortable to sleep in, Roman knows that, and he doesn't want Seth to be uncomfortable all night. He slides Seth’s arms out and then gently pulls it over his head. Seth’s not wearing anything under the hoodie, and his tanned and toned chest comes into view. 

 

 

Roman let's out a breath. He kind of can't deny anymore that he's not attracted to Seth. He is, quite a lot. Roman hasn’t dated in a while. A whole year, really. It's not easy to date when you have a one year old, especially when people make excuses when you tell them you're a single parent. So Roman’s never really made it on a proper date since Rio was born. He's not heartbroken about it, Rio will one hundred percent always be his number one priority, but he thinks it would be nice to settle down with someone in the end. 

 

 

But because it's been such a long time since he's been with anyone he's kind of needy. And being around someone as beautiful as Seth is hard enough as it is but when you're needy and you know what he looks like naked and what it's like to kiss him? That's double hard. Especially when he looks so good in his scrubs and so fucking cute in his glasses. Roman kind of just wants to kiss him silly or fuck him over the couch. 

 

 

He sighs softly as he realises he's just standing and creepily staring at Seth and having really inappropriate thoughts while he sleeps, so he pulls the covers over him and leaves the room, closing the door softly. 

 

 

He heads to his own room and undresses before sliding into bed. He's only been here two days and he's already thinking about Seth in ways that he shouldn't. Mathe he just needs to get laid, and then he can stop having inappropriate thoughts and he can get through the rest of his stay without wanting to bang Seth over the counter. 

 

 

Roman relaxes into the bed, scrolling through his phone a little as he tries to shut his brain off. Not only is he trying not to stop thinking about Seth, he's also trying to stop thinking about Dean. 

 

 

He doesn't know why he didn't think Dean would show up at some point, thought maybe he'd only see him at the wedding, didn't think it would be this  _ soon.  _

 

 

Dean hasn't changed much. Still got that mop of curly hair, those dimples and bright blue eyes. Unlike Seth, Dean’s not changed much in his body. Dean’s still lithe bodied with a slim waist and broad shoulders. He's still beautiful, but it doesn't make Roman’s heart race at a million miles an hour anymore. It still thumps a little. It probably always will. Can you be so in love with someone and it not affect you even a tiny little bit once you're over it? Roman doesn't think so. But it's not the same, he's not going to have a nightmare about being left by him. He's not going to wake up and have to take Tylenol to stop the shaking in his hands and he's not going to have to get himself to sleep again with half a bottle of jack. 

 

 

When his eyes start to feel tired Roman puts his phone down and settles down under the covers. It's eerily silent in the room, he misses the sound of Rio’s soft little breaths as she sleeps in the cot next to his bed. He misses her so much, and he can't wait until the morning when he can call Nattie and talk to her. 

 

 

Roman closes his eyes, willing himself to sleep. And the face that is behind his eyes when he finally does fall asleep is not the one it used to be. 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. I cannot express how sorry I am for how long this has taken me to get up. I have no real excuse other than I lost my muse around summer last year and then I went back to University in the fall and my god does that place kick my ass. But as exam season approaches I always get the desire to write and read again, for some reason. So here is a long chapter as a sorry. Hope you enjoy and continue to read!!

Roman’s eating breakfast with Seth when his phone rings. They're just sitting talking about Nikki’s wedding and Roman assumes that it's Nattie so he shoves a spoonful of cereal into his mouth as he answers the phone. 

 

“Hey Nattie,” He says, and it comes out muffled because of the cereal in his mouth. 

 

“I'm sorry dear, I'm not Nattie. Is she your partner?” Holy fuck. That is definitely not Nattie. 

 

“Mom?” Roman suddenly feels sick to his stomach, the milk from his cereal curdling inside of him. 

 

“Hey sweetheart.” She says, and Seth’s opposite him looking as shocked as Roman feels. He hasn't spoken to her since the night he left. She didn't call, didn't text, didn't do anything to reach out to him. Not even to see if he was okay. Could you really let your son just disappear and not even call to see if he was okay? 

 

“What do you want?” Roman asks, his tone is short and harsh and even Seth raises an eyebrow. 

 

“I want you to come home for dinner on the weekend. With Dean. We haven't had a family dinner in a long time.” She says softly, like nothing has happened. Like Roman hasn't been away from Florida and his family for five years. 

 

“I think I'll pass on that one, thanks.” Roman says. That's not something he wants to do. Not how he wants to spend his time here in Florida. He would much rather listen to Nikki talk for hours about the difference between cream and ivory for table runners rather than go to his parents for dinner. With Dean there too. 

 

“Roman Leati Reigns, you were not raised to miss family dinners.” She says harshly, just like she used to when they were kids and they wanted to do something on the weekend rather than stay for a family dinner. 

 

“I think I've missed enough in the past twelve years to miss just one more, ma.” Roman deadpans, because he has only been to one family dinner in the past twelve years and that was the one where he found out Dean and Seth were engaged. He doesn't need a rerun of that. His mother is silent for a few beats, and she sniffles like she's upset and Roman tries to pretend that doesn't make his chest feel funny. 

 

“Roman, honey, please. You should come. Your father, he's not doing to best these days. He wants to see you, before it's too late.” Now that does pull at Roman’s chest. But only for a second. 

 

“Then why didn't he call? Why didn't either of you call?” Seth gets up from the table and puts his bowl in the dishwasher, on his way past he squeezes Roman’s arm softly before disappearing. 

 

His mother is silent again before she speaks. “Dean said you were going through some issues and that it was best let you work through them.” 

 

Roman bristles at that. Why does it seem that Dean has still been orchestrating his life even though he’s been in Hawaii? He told Nikki not to tell him about him and Seth, told his parents not to call him and let him sort himself out? 

 

“For five years? You didn't want to know how I was for five years?” 

 

“Roman I wanted to call. I really did I promise. I just didn't think you would want me to.” She says quickly and there's hurt in her voice, there is so much hurt and it makes Roman stop for a second. Would he have wanted his mom to call? He tells himself he doesn't care. He doesn't need them, he's in so much less pain without them in his life but, but it's his ma. And no matter how many times she sat and watched his father hurl abuse at him, she's still his ma that packed his lunch for school and sewed up his football jersey when it ripped. 

 

“You should have called.” Roman says with a lump in his throat. 

 

“I know sweetie I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please come to dinner on the weekend. I want to see you. Your brother said you're only going to be in town for a couple of weeks at the most. Please?” 

 

Roman swallows, thinking about it. He doesn't want to. He doesn't want to back into the environment that he hates so much, doesn't want to have to sit through a dinner with Dean and his father, but he would like to see his mom. Just once before he goes back. Tell her about Rio. Show her a picture. 

 

“Okay. Okay I'll be there.” 

 

His mother gushes, “Oh baby thank you. Thank you so much. I'll see you then okay? And I'll call you and tell you the times and the day and I love you okay. I love you sweetie.” 

 

“Love you too ma.” Roman's voice wobbles and he quickly puts down the phone. He breathes out hard just as Seth comes back into the kitchen. 

 

“You okay Ro?” 

 

Roman looks up at him and smiles softly. “Yeah. Just. Dean told my parents that I'm back in town. Ma wants me to go for dinner on the weekend.” Seth comes to stand next to him, putting a hand on his arm. 

 

“Are you gonna’ go?” Seth asks. 

 

“Yeah. I don’t, I don't really want to. But mom said dad’s not well, and I haven't seen them in so long and it might just be my last chance to be, to be normal with him you know? If he still hates my guts now and then he's never going to stop is he?” 

 

Seth sighs patting his arm again. “I understand. But if you still have that book I bought you for your eighteenth birthday, you should totally take it.” He laughs softly as he pulls a hoodie over his scrubs. 

 

Roman laughs with him and he smiles at Seth before he speaks. 

 

“Why did you always stick up for me so much in front of my parents, especially after what happened with Dean?” Roman asks quietly. Seth considers him and smiles before he answers. 

 

“I know what it's like to have a father who doesn't think you're good enough. I just couldn't sit back and watch that happen to you, not when I knew what it was like not to have anyone notice what you were going through.” He says and Roman looks up at him curiously. He doesn't push, but Seth goes on. 

 

“Before he left my father was just the same. I was never good enough for him, neither was my mother but my older brother? He was like, my dad was so fucking proud of him for everything. But nothing I did was good enough. He used to beat my mom and if he could get to me, me too. He left when I was eleven, though. Took my older brother with him and we haven't seen him since. That's why me and mom moved to Florida when I was eleven. She didn't want to be in Iowa anymore.” Seth explains and Roman tries to take in all the information. He didn't know any of that about Seth. Knew he moved from Iowa to Florida, but didn't know he had a brother. He'd never said. 

 

“Wow, that’s, that's a lot. Shit Seth I’m sorry.” 

 

Seth waves him off. “Don't worry about it. No one knew, I never even told Dean. It's not that I didn't trust him with it, but the way he sort of brushed off what happened to you reminded me of my brother and how he used to brush off what happened to me. I didn't think he'd understand.” 

 

Roman swallows. He always tried to ignore how Dean used to brush everything that happened with his father under the carpet. 

 

“Well thank you. You did help for those short few months before I went off the rails.” 

 

“You didn't go off the rails, Ro. You just hit a few bumps. Look at you now, you're fully on the rails in my eyes.” 

 

“Yeah but that's five years later.” 

 

“Doesn't matter how long it takes, just matters that you get there.” Seth says squeezing his arm again. And Roman supposes that's true. Very true. He smiles at Seth, they’re close. Seth’s legs pressed against his hip as Seth’s standing and Roman’s sitting. If he just leaned up a little and Seth leaned down, he could kiss him. He kind of wants too. And not just in a “I want to bend you over this table” kind of kiss. More of a “you’re really cute and I want to make out with you forever” kind of kiss. 

 

There’s a long pause, before Seth backs away. “What are your plans for today?” He asks as Roman clears his throat and stands up putting his bowl in the dishwasher. 

 

“Brie and the bridesmaids have their last fitting, so I'm heading out for that once I've dropped you off at work.” 

 

Seth smiles, “Who are her bridesmaids?” 

 

“Brie’s her maid of honour and the bridesmaids are Birdie, the twins and John’s niece.” 

 

“Is it going to be a big wedding?” 

 

“I think so, you know what Nikki’s like, she doesn't do anything by half.” 

 

Seth laughs at that. “Yep, that's Nikki alright.” He says as he locks up the house and they slide into Roman’s car.

 

Roman drops Seth off in front of the hospital doors and waves goodbye. This time, when Seth walks into the hospital, Roman lets himself watch Seth’s ass he walks. He's got a really nice ass. 

 

It takes him twenty minutes to drive to the bridal shop he's meeting Nikki and Brie at, and when he gets there he's the only one so he runs across the road and picks them up a Starbucks. 

 

Nikki and Brie pull up not long after and it's nice to see that Nikki doesn't look as stressed as the other day. 

 

“You look happy this morning,” Roman smiles as he passes her her coffee. Even after all these years he still knows Nikki and Brie’s order. 

 

She smiles as she takes a sip, “The flowers are going to be done! The florist sorted them last night.” Nikki says excitedly. 

 

Roman smiles as he walks into the shop behind them. “I'm glad, hate seeing you pout like that.”

 

“I was not pouting!”

 

“You were so pouting!” Brie interjects with a laugh. Nikki pouts at them for that before it quickly disappears and she herds them all into the bridal shop. 

 

They start with the children, fitting their dresses and talking about alterations before they move onto Nikki and Brie. The twins and John’s niece Ella sit and play on Brie’s phone, taking silly pictures and giggling while Roman has Birdie on his lap. She's content with him bouncing her on his knee and so is he. 

 

Nikki’s dress is beautiful and Roman can't help but be taken back to that day they went prom dress shopping and Nikki stepped out of the curtain in that dress looking every inch a princess. He remembers wishing he could be attracted to her, that it would make his life a whole lot easier. Roman wonders how different his life would be had he ever pursued anything with Nikki. He wouldn't have Rio, would he have any children with Nikki? Would Dean and Seth still be together? He pushes away those thoughts, he loves his life now, loves his little girl and he wouldn't have it any other way. Doesn't think he'd change anything that happened to him if it meant he wouldn't have Rio. 

 

“You know Ro, I'm still mad at you for not coming to my wedding.” Brie says, but there's a cheeky smile on her face that lets Roman know that she's only teasing. 

 

“I'm not sure you would have wanted me there, I couldn't stand up without shaking like a damn leaf, I'd have probably started an earthquake.” Roman says with a short laugh. Brie got married the year Roman left Florida. She didn't know where he was, but Nikki did, and she asked her to invite him which she did, but it was during the time Roman was recovering from his alcohol and painkiller addiction and he could barely walk a mile without shaking uncontrollably let alone get on a plane and travel to Florida for a wedding. He hadn't told Brie why he didn't come until he was completely clean, and she and Daniel completely understood. 

 

He's very grateful for his friends and how supportive they have always been of him. 

 

“I know, Ro. But you missed Daniel and I playing Mr and Mrs instead of our first dance and Daniel not knowing anything about the woman he has been with for the past ten years!” 

 

“For the record, he's quite short, so maybe all that information just couldn't fit in his body?” Roman laughs softly, and he is quite sad he missed it. But he knows Brie will one day want to renew her vows one day and he'll be there for those. 

 

“Don't give him an excuse because he'll use it for the rest of his life.” Brie groans as the tailor puts pins into her dress so it can be made a little smaller. Nikki’s dress fits her perfectly, and so do all the little girls, it's just Brie’s that's a little too big for her and needs to be taken in. 

 

When they're all finished they head to a diner to grab some food. They're waiting for their food when Roman gets a text from Seth asking if he can pick up some milk because he forgot to this morning. Roman texts back that he will, and Nikki gets nosy and looks over his shoulder. 

 

“Very domestic,” She purrs sipping on her drink through her straw. 

 

Roman rolls his eyes, “I’m just doing him a favour.” 

 

“Doing who a favour? What's going on?” Brie questions raising an eyebrow. “This better not be Dean,” she says almost growling. 

 

“Nope! Seth. I told you, he's staying with him because the hotel went bust. And now they're doing lots of domestic stuff together.” Nikki says sickeningly sweet and Roman sighs as Brie grins at him. 

 

“You and Seth? Oh my gosh how cute!” Brie exclaims clapping her hands together. 

 

“No, not me and Seth.” Roman says, even though his heart is beating weirdly and his belly feels funny. He's just hungry. 

 

“Oh please! This is like, destiny or something. You both got played by the same guy and now fate has brought you together to realise just how perfect you are for each other!” 

 

Roman looks at Brie with his eyebrow raised. “How many romantic films do you watch on a daily basis?” 

 

She waves him off, “I'm being serious!” 

 

“Look, Seth’s great, and he's hot, but I don't think it's going to happen. How can it, his ex cheated on him with me multiple times. And I happen to be said ex’s brother. That's just a whole lot of messed up.” He says before shrugging. “The one kiss years ago is probably as far as it's going to get.” 

 

Nikki whips her head around to Roman, mouth open in shock. “Excuse me? What kiss years ago?” 

 

“Wait, I didn't tell you?” 

 

“Uh, no!” 

 

“Remember Dean’s party he threw because he got into college?” 

 

“The one that majorly sucked ass?” Brie interjects and Roman nods with a laugh. 

 

“That's the one. Calvin and I snuck off upstairs to get high and Seth came in. Calvin somehow persuaded him to take a hit and one turned into two and three and four until they'd shared the whole joint and Seth was high as all holy hell, drunk, too. Calvin let it slip that if Seth didn't have a boyfriend he’d want to shotgun him then he disappeared and Seth asked me what shot gunning was. I told him and he asked me to demonstrate. One thing led to another and we kissed. Only stopped before we heard Dean calling for Seth, then he fell out of my lap and smacked his head off the bed.” Roman smiles at the memory but Brie and Nikki just stare at him before both trying to talk at the same time. 

 

“It doesn't count then because he was high and didn't know what he was doing!” Brie says as Nikki exclaims, 

 

“Dean didn't catch you?” 

 

Roman shakes his head, “No. We were out of it but we heard him calling for Seth and Seth tried to jump out of my lap, he was on the floor when Dean walked in.” He says to Nikki before turning to Brie, “That’s what I thought when I woke up the next morning. But then Dean was pissed at me for letting Seth get high saying he wasn't going to let me ruin Seth’s life like I was ruining my own and Seth overheard and said that he was fine and that he knew exactly what he was doing that night. All while looking at me weirdly. He definitely kissed me on purpose.”

 

“Well I'll be damned. Now you're definitely meant for each other.” Brie says just as their food comes. Roman spends the rest of their lunch trying to avoid the topic of him and Seth being made for each other, even though in the back of his head all he can think about is that kiss they shared back when they were kids and how good Seth looked last night when he put him to bed. 

 

He parts way with the twins once lunch is over, as Nikki has to take Ella home so she can go to soccer practice. Roman goes back to Seth’s for a little bit, because this morning he gave Roman the key Dean finally gave back so that he can come and go as he pleases while Seth’s at work. 

 

He facetimes Nattie and Cesaro, watching Rio roll a ball around the sand with her tiny little hands. Then she falls over and gets a mouthful of sand and starts crying so Nattie hangs up so she can take care of her. He kills more time by cleaning around a bit before heading back out to get the milk Seth asked for and some other groceries to cook dinner with before heading to the hospital. 

 

When he pulls up Seth is just walking out of the doors, hoody over the top of his scrubs with his hands stuffed into the pockets. He spots Roman’s car and slides in. Roman instantly notices the sad, tired and defeated look on Seth’s pretty face and his chest hurts at the sight. 

 

“Hey, are you okay?” Roman asks softly before he even thinks of driving off. 

 

Seth turns to him with a sad smile. He looks like he's been crying, eyes red and puffy and the edges of his beard look damp.

 

“Yeah, yeah. Just, bad day is all.” Seth says, but Roman doesn't quite believe him. He doesn't push it though, instead he squeezes Seth’s arm before starting up the car and driving off. It's a quiet drive home, because Roman doesn't want to talk Seth’s ear off if he's had a tiresome day. 

 

When they get to Seth’s house Roman grabs the groceries as Seth unlocks the door and lets them both inside. Roman sets the groceries on the side and he's just putting them away when he hears something smash and he turns around to see a smashes mug on the floor and Seth crying silently into his hands. 

 

“Hey, hey hey,” Roman says stepping over to him and pulling him into his arms. “It's okay, Seth. It's just a mug it doesn't matter.” He says softly before tipping Seth’s face up to look at him. “Now are you going to tell me what's got you so upset? I know you're not crying over a broken mug, Rollins.” 

 

Seth sniffles, sagging in Roman’s arms as he wipes the underneath of his eyes gently. 

 

“One of my patients died today. An old man who had cancer, I've been looking after him for like a month now, and he was the sweetest man. Always made me laugh and smile even when I didn't feel like it. And today he passed away and I was right there in the room with him and I just. I love my job but I hate my job because it hurts. It hurts because there's these wonderful, innocent people who are getting taken away for no reason at all.” Seth cries and Roman just strokes his back softly. 

 

“Sometimes it all just gets too me. We have so many good days, miracle babies and miracle recoveries and we get to see families so happy but then there's days like today. When it all just sits on your shoulders that no matter how hard you try you can't save everyone. It hurts and some people pretend it doesn't but it hurts, it hurts so much.” 

 

Roman rocks him gently, just like he does with Rio when she's fussy and upset. “It's okay, I understand. Just let the tears out and you'll feel so much better when you're done.” Roman soothes, because he knows how it feels when you just need to cry. Because no matter what you do, sometimes crying is the only thing that will make you feel better. 

 

Roman let's Seth cry into his chest for a long time, holds him tight and rocks him gently, whispering just let it all out. After a while Seth’s sobs turn into whimpers and then little sniffles before he's pulling away eyes red and sore and his face blotchy and wet. 

 

“God I'm sorry, you didn't come all the way from Hawaii to have me cry and snot all over your chest.” Seth says wiping his face. 

 

“You don't have to apologise for having a bad day, Seth. Plus, you don't think I'm not used to a little crying and snotting, do you? I have a one year old, this is nothing.” Roman smiles softly smoothing down Seth’s hair. 

 

Seth sniffles and nods a little smile starting to form on his face. Roman’s belly does another little flip, how is someone still attractive when their face is red and blotchy and wet? 

 

“Come on, why don't you go and get out of your scrubs and into something comfy, I'll cook us some dinner and then we can play video games until we fall asleep, sound good?” 

 

Seth smiles a little more and nods, “Yeah, yeah it does. Thanks Roman.” 

 

Roman smiles, “Don't mention it Seth, now go on, get comfy.” 

 

Seth starts to move before he hesitates and turns back, he looks at Roman before he quickly presses a kiss to the side of Roman’s mouth and then scuttling away. 

 

Roman’s hand touches the burning spot his whole body going up in goosebumps. 

 

“Oh fuck.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> howdy! I know its been a little while but, this chapter has been in my head pretty much since the middle of dear brother, and i absolutely wanted to do this right. there's also a lot of 'me' in this so please be gentle, haha! anyway, this is something my loyal readers have been wanting for a while so enjoy! let me know what you think and you can reach me on tumblr @ psychrollins! 
> 
> also, warnings for **mentions of abuse, substance and alcohol abuse and homophobia.**

 

The days leading up to the weekend pass in a kind of domestic bliss, if Roman is truly honest with himself. He and Seth fall into a perfect routine of getting up, eating breakfast together and then Roman driving Seth to work. While Seth’s at work and Roman isn’t being ordered around by Nikki on every type of wedding duty she can think of, he’s started working in Seth’s garden. It’s wildly overgrown, and Seth said that he’s just never had time to get around to it. He and Dean had so many plans for it, decking, flower beds in all pretty colours and sizes, hammocks and water features, but everything fell apart but before he could even think about it. 

  
  


That’s what Roman is doing now, dressed only in a pair of shorts as the hot summer sun beats down on his skin, pulling as many brambles as he can at a time up and throwing them into the garden waste bags he found in the cupboard. 

  
  


He kind of doesn’t want to stop, and wishes he hadn’t agreed on the phone to his mom that he would go to dinner tonight. Roman should have said no, he should have been stronger and said no, but she’d tugged at his heart strings by telling him that his dad wasn’t well and wanted to see him. 

  
  


“Now that is a sight I honestly wouldn’t mind seeing every day.” Seth’s voice shocks Roman and he catches himself on a bramble, cutting into his skin and making him bleed. 

  
  


“Shit,” 

  
  


“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. I did text you but you’re phone is clearly inside.” Seth apologises, walking over to Roman with a bottle of water in his hand and a hand over his eyes to shield his eyes from the sun. 

  
  


“You’re back early.” Roman says swiping his thumb over the cut on his hand to get rid of the blood. “Thanks.” 

  
  


“Yeah, there were a couple of shift mix ups, and I haven’t had much time off lately so they gave me the afternoon off. My friend gave me a ride home.” 

  
  


Roman takes a long sip of the water and sighs. “God that’s good.” 

  
  


“You’ve really gotten far on this, but like I said, you really don’t have to do this, Ro.” 

  
  


“I want to do it, Seth, otherwise I’m just going to be sitting on my ass all day and I’m really not used to that.” Roman responds and Seth gives him a smile. 

  
  


“Really missing your family, huh?” 

  
  


“Yeah. Going from seeing Rio every day to only getting to talk to her for like, twenty minutes a day sucks so much. But I really need to be here for Nikki, because I know she would never forgive me, and I’d never forgive myself if I wasn’t here to give her away.” 

  
  


“That’s understandable, and these weeks will probably fly by and she’ll be back in your arms before you know it Ro.” Seth smiles softly, taking a sip of his own water. The sunlight is shining right on Seth’s face, making him squint as he talks and Roman can’t help but think about how pretty he looks. Stood there in his light blue scrubs, a thick but well trimmed beard, pouty lips and pretty brown eyes, Roman doesn’t think he’s ever been this attracted to anyone ever, and that’s saying something seeing how attracted to Dean he had been and how attracted he was to Calvin back in the day when he would put on his full football gear for Roman. He catches himself staring and he quickly looks away, clearing his throat and taking another sip of water. 

  
  


“Yeah, I hope so. Well, speaking of family, I should probably get ready to see the family I haven’t seen in five years.” Roman says rubbing a hand over his face. He’s nervous, to say the least, because not only are his mom and dad going to be there, Dean is too. And even though he’d had no trouble standing up to Dean the other day, that was for Seth, he’s not sure whether he’d be able to do it for himself. 

  
  


“I remember those family dinners, I liked them at first but then there was only so many times I could hear about how proud they were of their darling boy.” Seth says with a roll of his eyes. 

  
  


“Yeah, that sounds like what I dealt with from the age of about fourteen to when I left home. I don’t think it will be much different now, but it’s always worth a shot.” 

  
  


Seth laughs, “The more things change, the more things stay the same, my friend.” 

  
  


Roman shrugs, “Maybe so, but curiosity killed the cat.” 

  
  


They both laugh, and Seth turn to go inside, turning the air conditioning up on the way past. A blast of cool air hits Roman’s heated skin and he makes a noise. “God that feels good.” 

  
  


Seth lets out a little laugh, “Thank God for AC, huh?” 

  
  


Roman nods as Seth slumps down onto the couch switching on the TV. They chat for a little while before Roman forces himself to go upstairs and have a shower and start getting ready. He doesn’t want to go, but he does at the same time. For obvious reasons, he doesn’t want to see his family again,  but then, if he doesn’t, his last memories of speaking to them would be horrible ones, and he needs to at least try. 

 

Roman showers, does his hair into a neat bun and changes into a pair of jeans, a shirt and a nice suit jacket. He’s not really one for dressing up, doesn’t need to much in Hawaii because they’re so close to the beach it’s kind of criminal to wear jeans, but he feels like he should make an effort to show his parents he’s not a drop out anymore. 

  
  


“You look smart as hell, Rome.” Seth comments when he gets back downstairs, “And you smell mighty fine too,” He laughs when Roman’s aftershave gets to him. 

  
  


“Thanks, Seth. Gotta make a good impression, been away for five years and all that.” 

  
  


“No offence Ro, but I doubt your parents have changed over these last couple of years.” 

  
  


Roman sighs, “You’re probably right. Still, don’t want them thinking I’m still a drugged up alcoholic, even if it won’t change their opinion of me.” 

  
  


Seth gives him a sympathetic smile, “Well good luck, rather you than me.” 

  
  


Roman rolls his eyes, “I bet, anyway, I doubt I’ll be late because I don’t want to spend anymore time than is necessary with them.” 

  
  


“Door will be unlocked, although you’ll probably find me playing video games or asleep on the couch.” Seth laughs, he’s changed now, dressed in his sweatpants and band hoodie that he wears every night. Roman kind of really wishes he could join him. 

  
  


“Okay, I’ll see you later.” 

  
  


“Later Ro,” 

  
  


Roman heads out with a small wave, getting into his car and starting it up with a heavy sigh. 

  
  


Roman thinks about turning the car around a million times, thinks about going back to Seth and putting on his sweats and playing video games until they're tired, but he doesn't, instead, he pulls up to his parents house and stares at it for at least ten minutes. 

  
  


When he left for Hawaii, Roman assumed he'd be back in a couple of weeks. But then he'd decided to stay longer, and longer, until in the end Nikki shipped all his stuff over to him and sorted his apartment out. There was never any need to come back to this place, and so he hasn't seen his parents house since the night Seth announced that he and Dean were engaged. 

  
  


Now five years later everything is completely different, but the house still looks the same. The house he spent most of his life in. It had good memories and bad memories and all of them are swirling inside of Roman’s head. 

  
  


He finally gets out the car, rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans. Roman feels himself start to shake when he knocks on the door, stuffing his hands inside his pockets because he's not really sure what to do with them. 

  
  


When the door opens, Roman has to suck in a breath. His mom is there in front of him, looking so much older than she ever has, and she's staring up at him, mouth open with her hand over her heart. 

  
  


“Roman, baby. Look, look at you. You're so big.” She says, and she steps forward, her hands reaching out to touch his face. 

  
  


“Hey, ma.” He says softly. She steps aside to let him in, and he feels nostalgia wash over him as he takes in the room around him. The living room is still exactly the same as it used to be, everything still in exactly the same place. 

  
  


“Dean’s already here, we’re all in the kitchen.” Roman nods, still looking around as he heads into the kitchen. That too is exactly the same, pots and pans bubbling away on the stove, his dad still sitting at the kitchen table. 

  
  


Except, he's not sitting in a chair. He's sitting in a wheelchair. Roman looks at him, he's nothing like he remembers. He remembers his dad feeling so much bigger than him even when Roman was at his biggest, but now he looks like a frail old man. Grey hair and grey beard and wrinkles around his features. 

  
  


His father looks at him, eyes taking him in. Roman knows that his dad is equally as shocked to see the difference in him as he is in his dad. The last time his dad saw him, Roman was at his smallest, not small by any means, but he'd lost all of his football weight and he’d got no muscle mass. He was pale from the alcohol and substance abuse he put himself through daily. Now, Roman is around two hundred and seventy pounds, most of it being muscle despite the soft outer layer of pudgyness that he's just never been able to get rid of. He used to care, but now he doesn't, not when one of Rio’s favourite past times is squeezing his tummy and blowing raspberries into his chest. 

  
  


“Roman.” His dad says in way of greeting, holding his hand out to shake. Roman accepts it, mumbling his own greeting, but the stranger in the room has caught his attention. 

  
  


Standing beside Dean is a man around the same height as his brother, with red hair and a red beard. 

  
  


“Roman this is Sami, Dean’s boyfriend.” 

  
  


“Nice to meet you Roman, I've heard a lot about you.” Sami says, also extending his hand to shake. Roman accepts that too, smiling politely. 

  
  


“You too.” It's a lie, of course, he's never heard anything about him. And Roman can't help but think about when they were kids and it used to be Seth attending their family dinners, and despite how much he hated it, Roman can't help but wish that it were Seth standing here now. 

  
  


His mom makes idle chat with them all, mostly Dean and Sami while she finishes up dinner, and Roman and his father stay mostly quiet. Roman always thought that he was nothing like his dad, but sitting across from him now, Roman can see the similarities. Quiet in situations they don't particularly want to be in. 

  
  


Eventually his mom ushers them all to the dining room, and though Dean offers to wheel his dad to the table the man out right refuses. Another similarity. Not accepting help from others. 

  
  


They sit down to eat, and a small part of Roman can admit that he has missed his mom's cooking, even if he can cook well himself. 

  
  


It seems to pass well, and they get to desert without a hiccup, and Roman’s about to think that he can let his family into his life again, until his mom asks about what his life is like now. 

  
  


“Well uh, I'm a chef now. Head chef at a five star hotel.” His mom beams with pride, but he can see distaste in his dad's eyes as soon as the word chef leaves his mouth. 

  
  


“And I have a daughter.” 

  
  


His mom gasps at that, setting her cutlery down and looking at him with wide eyes. “We, we have a granddaughter?” She says and her eyes seem to fill with tears. “Is she here? Do we get to meet her?” 

  
  


Roman shakes his head, “No, she's not here, and maybe.” 

  
  


“How old is she?” 

  
  


“She just turned one.” 

  
  


“You have a one year old daughter and you didn't think to tell us? You're not going to let your mother meet her granddaughter?” His did speaks up, giving him those hard, disapproving eyes just like he used to. Roman used to shrink under them. Not anymore.

  
  


“I don't believe you deserve to. You didn't care about where I was for the past five years, and you certainly didn't care about me when I was seventeen and I'd lost everything I'd been working for. You don't get to meet the single most important thing in my life until you understand just what you did to yours.” 

  
  


“Roman,” Dean’s voice comes out soft, but he can hear the warning tone underneath it. Roman’s eyes snap to him, and he feels rage bubble up inside of him. No. No he's not going to suppress his feelings like he used to, never again will he do that to avoid confrontation. 

  
  


“No. Don't ‘Roman’ me, Dean. There's a reason why none of you have seen me the past five years, because you fucked me up.” 

  
  


“Roman,” this time it's his mom warning him, scolding him for using foul language but Roman doesn't care. He doesn't anymore. 

  
  


“No! No you don't get to scold me for the language I use. Not when you stopped being a parent to me the first time you let him put his hands on me!” Roman spits and he watches those words hit his mother hard. Roman feels them hit him too. He remembers Calvin telling him that his mom was just as bad as his dad, and how he'd found that so hard to digest because his mom loved him, and he hadn't truly understood it until he’d held Rio in his arms moments after Carmella had passed away and he knew that the day someone,  _ anyone,  _ raised a hand to her would be the day he committed murder. 

  
  


“Who do you think you are, boy?” His father growls, but he doesn't look as intimidating as he used to. And Roman’s not sure whether it's because he's frail and in a wheelchair or because Roman came to peace with his dad having no love for him whatsoever some years ago. “You think you can come back here and disrespect us all by talking to us like this? Disrespect your brother by staying with his dirty cheating ex-” 

  
  


“Wait what?” Roman honestly feels dumbfounded at the words that have just come out of his dad's mouth. 

  
  


“Dean told us, Roman, that you're staying with Seth.” His mom says, and it's almost like saying Seth’s name physically hurts her. 

  
  


“Mom, it's fine, really,” Dean stutters out, worried and nervous, and Roman feels that rage just burn a thousand degrees hotter. 

  
  


“Are you fucking kidding me?” Roman almost shouts, and now he really doesn't care what he says, because he's so over and done with Dean, with his family. “Have you ever stopped lying since the day you got to this family?” 

  
  


“Roman!” His dad shouts, scoulding and angry but Roman doesn't respond, his dad can't hurt him now. 

  
  


“No! No, you don't get to lie like that anymore and not have anyone tell the truth.” Roman growls and he sits forward in his chair, voice dropping an octave or two. 

  
  


“You want to know the truth about your precious little miracle Dean? The little boy you saved from a broken home and raised him to be a perfect gentleman and wished was your own son instead of me?” Roman spits, and he sees his mom squirm uncomfortably but he doesn't stop. 

  
  


“The truth is, Dean is a liar. A vicious, compulsive liar who has ruined not only my life but Seth’s too.” His father goes to say something but Roman doesn't let him. He's going to tell them the truth about Dean, like he should have a long time ago but never had the balls to. 

  
  


“You remember the time just before my eighteenth birthday? When I was failing school? When all dad cared about was me getting that fucking scholarship? Well your precious boy Dean was harbouring feelings for me. And so was I.” Roman takes in the shock on their faces and uses their silence to carry on. 

  
  


“We got together. That's right, we were brothers but we got together, and we hid it from you. Do you know what Dean also hid? The fact that he was already seeing Seth at that time too. But wait for it, that's not the first time Dean’s cheated on Seth! Remember when Dean came back from college and he Seth moved back here? Just before they got engaged? We were sleeping together then, too! Fucking every day and night!” And Roman has never been so crass in his life before, especially not to his parents, but he's fired up now, years and years and years worth of emotions just spilling out. Finally. 

  
  


“But then of course, they were engaged! So all the lies Dean told me that they were breaking up and not doing well were exactly that, lies!” He looks to Dean, who's staring down at his plate. 

  
  


“And not only did Dean lie to you about all of that, about how he was fucking his brother and cheating on his boyfriend, he also lied to you about why he never walked down the isle. It wasn't because Seth cheated on him,  _ Dean  _ cheated on Seth. Not with me this time, either. So how does that feel, to know that your precious,  _ darling  _ Doctor son is just the worlds biggest lying cheating incesteous bastard?” 

  
  


His mom chokes out a sob, holding her head in her hands as he cries into them, and his dad looks at him like Roman is the most disgusting thing in the world. 

  
  


“That's why you're back, to try and ruin this family because you're jealous-”

  
  


“Jealous?” Roman shouts back, in utter disbelief that no matter what Roman tells them, nothing will ever make Dean look bad in their eyes. 

  
  


“I am so far from jealous it's unreal. I almost pity him. He had something so good, Seth was as loyal as a dog to him and he ruined it. I didn't come back here for shit, only because ma begged me to and I thought that you'd changed, maybe. But you haven't, have you? You still hate me with every ounce of you.” 

  
  


“Roman-” 

  
  


“No, dad, you do hate me. You've hated me from the moment you realised that I was gay. You always hated how I would help ma, you hated that even though I played football and helped you with the car, I was gay and there was nothing you could do to change that. For a while, I couldn't get my head around it, because Dean’s gay too, right? But then I realised, it doesn't matter whether Dean is gay or not, or whether he acts like a pansy in the kitchen, because he's not your biological son. You can blame everything about him on the blood he got from his biological parents, it's not a disgrace to this family that he's gay because he's not blood. But me? Fuck, how can you be proud of my Samoan bloodline when I'm cooking in the kitchen with my ma and taking a dick in my ass?” Roman spits, the room is silent now, despite from the occasional sob from his mom. He should be upset that she's upset, but after everything he's been through, he can't be. 

  
  


“I don't think any of you understand quite what this family did to me. The way that you hated me, the way that you hurt me, it pushed me to the edge. And I ignored it, I ignored it for years until someone actually noticed. You remember Calvin? That kid I went to school with who's now one of America’s best wide receivers? Yeah, his mom wanted to adopt me because she couldn't believe what I had to put up with here.” Roman growls, and his mom looks up at him, face wet but anger showing in her features. 

  
  


“You're my son Roman! No one else's!” 

  
  


“Then why didn't you ever act like it?” Roman can't help but roar back, he's standing up now, one hand balled up in an angry fist while the other points accusingly at his mom. 

  
  


“All you ever did was stand by and let him beat me down no matter what I did! You let him lay hands on  _ your  _ son and you didn't do shit. I always ignored people when they told me that you were just as bad as him because you were my ma and you loved me, but then I had my daughter. And I held her in my arms after I had just watched her mother  _ die  _ giving birth to her and I knew, I knew that I could  _ never  _ watch someone harm her. So I don't know how you did it, I don't know how you can sit there and cry and call yourself my mother after everything you did.” Roman spits, and then he realises he's crying. His mother sobs, hard, loud and obscene in the silent room and Roman steps away from the table. 

  
  


“ua e oti ia te aʻu,” Roman says before he leaves. He’d managed to learn a little Samoan while being in Hawaii, the languages had merged a lot, and he felt like his father needed to hear him speak it, needed to hear him spit nasty words at him just like he used to do to him. He just told them that they killed him. 

  
  


Roman’s shaking when he gets into his car. He's crying and shaking and it feels like he's unleashed something inside of him. He can't stop the tears, can't stop the sobs from racking his body. He hasn't felt pain, or anger, like that in so long. He’d done so well in Hawaii to manage it, to channel it into working out, into literally exercising his demons. But being back here, it's all flooding back. 

  
  


For the first time in about four years, Roman thinks about pills. Pills and alcohol. Thinks about how they used to make him feel when he felt like this, how the combination used to make him feel hazy and numb, how he couldn't feel pain when he was high as a fucking kite. 

  
  


But the moment the thoughts come into his head, Roman pulls out his phone and brings up the only thing that's ever really pushed away the pain as well as pills and alcohol did. Rio. His beautiful baby girl. He's got an album full of videos and pictures of her, pictures of the both of them and their silly dysfunctional family. Roman puts it on slideshow and watches them all until he feels like he's stopped shaking. Finally, when he's calmed down, Roman pockets his phone and pulls away from the house he used to call home, and hopes it's for the last time. 

  
  


The streets pass by him in a blur, his home now just a number on a door in a place that felt familiar once. He makes it onto Seth’s driveway without bursting into tears again, and he can't describe the feeling of relief when he sees that the light in the front room is still on. Seth’s the only one who would know how he's feeling right now. 

  
  


Roman can hear the TV on as he steps through the door, and then he hears Seth’s voice calling to him from the couch. 

  
  


“Hey Ro! I expected you back-” Seth’s words die in his mouth when he turns and sees Roman in the doorway, probably looking like a mess. 

  
  


“Holy fuck, what happened? Are you okay?” Seth rushes over to him, his warm hands cupping his face and thumbs running over his tear stained cheeks. 

  
  


“I hate them,” Roman croaks, “I hate all of them.” 

  
  


“Oh God Ro,” Seth wraps his arms around his shoulders and Roman sinks into his embrace. “What happened? Come on, sit down, let me make you something to drink.” Seth ushers him towards the kitchen table and sits him down, setting to work on making him a coffee. 

  
  


“It was all going so well, we managed to get to desert before anything happened. But then I told them about Rio, and my dad didn't like the fact that I hadn't told them about her. And he said that I was disrespecting the family by staying here with you, Dean’s dirty cheating ex.” 

  
  


Seth's face falls as he sets the mug of coffee in front of Roman. 

  
  


“His what?” 

  
  


“Dean told them that you cheated on him, and that's why your engagement broke up.” 

  
  


Seth’s mouth open and closes many times, like he can't find the words to say. He finally settles on,

  
  


“I don't know why I'm surprised.” 

  
  


“And then I told them. I told them all about me and Dean, everything. And obviously that it was Dean who cheated on you, not the other way around. All the while his boyfriend just say there staring.” 

  
  


“Red head?”

  
  


Roman nods and Seth scoffs, “Sami. That's the fucking bastard he cheated on me with.” 

  
  


Roman takes a sip of his coffee and Seth pulls his own chair closer to Roman's, putting his hand on his knee. 

  
  


“I'm proud of you, Roman, for sticking up to them.” Seth says softly, and Roman feels those words down to his core. He remembers that book Seth got him for his eighteenth birthday.  _ 100 Polite Ways to Tell Your Parents to Suck It.  _ He wasn't so polite. Roman places his hand on top of Seth’s, linking their fingers together. “And thank you for sticking up for me, too. You didn't need to do that.” 

  
  


“Course I did,” Roman says, “When I was eighteen and I didn't have the strength to, you did it for me. On numerous occasions. It's time I repaid the favour.” Roman says, and Seth just smiles at him. Soft brown eyes sparkling under the kitchen spotlights, so warm and inviting that Roman thinks he could melt into them. He feels them touch his heart, start it beating erratically in his chest. 

  
  


“Seth?” Roman says after a long beat of silence.

  
  


“Yeah?” 

  
  


“Can I kiss you?” Roman asks, voice barely above a whisper even though there's no one else here to hear him. Seth's eyes flash with something Roman can't explain, and Roman worries for a split second that he's gone too far, that he's pushed a line but then Seth is smiling, wide and bright and nodding. 

  
  


“Yeah, yeah, I’d really like that.” 

  
  


Roman leans forward and wraps his spare hand around the back of Seth’s neck, pressing their lips together. Seth's lips are soft, and his beard scratches against Roman’s stubble in the most delicious way. He can feel his heart fluttering inside his chest. Roman hasn't kissed anyone since way before Rio was born, and he's certainly never kissed anyone and felt the way he's feeling now. Like he's flying, like he's high but he's not numb, he can feel every single thing and it's perfect.

  
  


Roman deepens the kiss, testing the waters, and Seth just follows, happily, soft little noises spilling from his lips and against Roman’s, until Roman gives up being patient and hauling Seth into his lap. 

  
  


They slot together perfectly, though the kitchen chair creaks under their combined weight. The kiss turns from soft to messy to desperate, Roman’s hands finding home on the small of Seth’s back, onto the warm stretch of skin underneath Seth’s hoodie, Seth’s hands wound around Roman’s neck and into the back of his hair. 

  
  


When Seth pulls away, gasping for air, his hips grind down into Roman’s a little, and Roman growls, lips making their way down the exposed skin of Seth's throat, muttering three little words into his skin. 

  
  


“I want you.” 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another chapter that you guys have been waiting for, its finally here. The confrontation! (with a twist ;)) Please let me know what you think! you can reach me on my tumblr @psychrollins !

Roman wakes up to bright sunlight streaming across his face and the foreign feeling of the weight of a body tucked into his side. He blinks for a few seconds, letting the sleep melt away and his thoughts come back to him. 

  
  


Seth is curled up against him, naked as the day he was born and hair flying everywhere over Roman’s chest and shoulder. Roman smiles, softly tucking some of the strands behind Seth’s ear. 

  
  


A quick check of Seth's alarm clock tells him that it's half eight in the morning. It's been a  _ long  _ time since Roman’s woken up beside anyone, and an even longer time since he's not wanted to leave immediately afterwards. 

  
  


Things had moved quickly after Roman had admitted that he wanted Seth. They'd made out heavily and pulled at each other's clothes until Roman picked Seth up and carried him to his bedroom, and then they'd been naked and then Roman was fucking Seth, his mind confused because this was  _ Seth,  _ someone he never thought he would be with like this but it had been amazing. The best sex Roman had ever had and judging by the way Seth moaned and begged and panted the whole way through Roman guesses it was pretty good for him, too. 

  
  


Seth shifts on his chest, soft little breaths against his skin until there's a soft sigh and a little yawn.

  
  


“Morning.” Seth says softly sitting up so he’s looking down at Roman who's leant against the headboard slightly. 

  
  


Seth is even more beautiful in the mornings, if he could even get more beautiful. His hair is wild, sex wild almost, and his face is soft and eyes sleepy.

  
  


“Hey,” Roman says.

  
  


Seth laughs softly rubbing a hand over his face. “It's been a long time since I've woken up next to someone.” He says, hand scratching through his beard. Roman can't help but reach out and tame some of Seth’s fly away hairs.

  
  


“Me too, but I'm pretty happy about it.” 

  
  


Seth smiles at that. “Me too.” 

  
  


“C’mere.” Roman murmurs, hand in Seth's hair sliding down to the back of his neck and pulling him down for a kiss. It's lazy and slow, and they both have morning breath, but Roman doesn't care, because Seth’s hand is on his chest, warm and resting against his heart. 

  
  


“So uh, is this a one time thing or?” Seth asks quietly and unsure.

  
  


“Not if you don't want it to be. I'd kind of really like it if it wasn't.” Roman responds and it's true. The weird feelings he’d been having for Seth since getting here have now manifested into this, and he’ll be damned if he doesn't let himself explore this. 

  
  


“I’d really like it if it wasn't too.” Seth says against his lips before kissing him again, still slow and soft before laying back down against his chest. 

  
  


They lay their in silence, enjoying the lazy morning wrapped around each other before they have to get up. 

  
  


“Can I tell you something embarrassing?” Seth says softly looking up at Roman.

  
  


“Of course,” 

  
  


“When we were kids, I befriended Dean because I had the biggest crush on you ever.” Seth admits quietly chewing on his lip. It takes Roman’s still sleep fogged brain a moment to catch up. Seth had a crush on him? 

  
  


“What?” 

  
  


“When I first got to the school I first saw you in Algebra, and you were like, my walking wet dream. I didn't know how to approach you because you were so popular, and I didn't even know if you were gay, the rumours were flying around that you were with Nikki. And then I met Dean and he couldn't stop talking about his star quarterback brother and I just. I pretended to be friends with him so I could meet you.” 

  
  


Roman honestly has to laugh at that, at the irony of it all.

  
  


“I know, it was so horrible of me.” Seth says but he's laughing too. “And even when I met you I couldn't work out whether you were gay or not and even though I knew you weren't with Nikki I still thought there was something there. And then Dean started flirting with me and honestly I wanted to make you jealous so I flirted back. I just ended falling into his trap even though I was still in love with you.” 

  
  


“You were in love with me?” Roman asks, and Seth sighs against his chest with a little nod. 

  
  


“This is what I mean by embarrassing! I was pathetic, Roman. Like, I was using Dean to try and get to you but it's like I didn't even exist, so I let myself fall for him, but even then I still loved you. And when I walked in on the two of you, I was angry and hurt with Dean for sure, but also at you because I realised that yeah, you did like guys, just not me.” 

  
  


Roman can't wrap his head around the words, his mind trying to think back to when they were kids, for any sign that Seth had a crush on him before he was involved with Dean. Was Roman really that caught up in Dean not to have seen anything with Seth? 

  
  


“I, I honestly didn't know, Seth. Why didn't you say anything?” 

  
  


Seth shrugs, “I was scared of the rejection, honestly. You were the hottest and most popular guy in school, my life would be ruined if I told you and you laughed in my face.” 

  
  


“I would never have laughed in your face, Seth.” 

  
  


“Well I didn't know that, I was only friends with you all because I forced Dean to be friends with me. That's why I'm not their friend anymore. John and Daniel still hang out with Dean, but I haven't spoken to them since we split. 

  
  


That breaks Roman’s heart, that Seth’s just been thrown to the side by his friends. 

  
  


“And I can't even be mad at Dean for it, they just like him more and that's not his fault.” 

  
  


“Hey, forget them, they don't want you in their life then that's their loss. You got friends at work, right?” 

  
  


Seth shrugs, “Yeah, I guess, but they're Dean’s friends too, so they rarely hang out without him, or Sami, and I'm just, I'm not strong enough to sit there and pretend everything is okay so I just. Stay here, play video games, sleep.” 

  
  


Roman can't even begin to think how lonely Seth is. Even when Roman was at his low points, his most lonely, he numbed it all away with the pills and alcohol, and then he'd had Karl, Luke and AJ before he’d moved to Hawaii where he had Nattie, Cesaro, Carmella and the rest of the group. 

  
  


“I'm sorry, Seth.” 

  
  


“It's okay, I'm fine, really.” 

  
  


“Listen,” Roman says carting his fingers through Seth’s hair and scratching softly at his scalp. “There's some old friends I'd like to go and see before I go back to Hawaii, and I think you'd like them, so why don't you come with me and meet them? I know they used to go to the gym a lot so I'm sure at least you could find a gym buddy out of one of them.” 

  
  


Seth smiles at him, and it's a gorgeous smile that Roman would really like to take away and store in a box to look at whenever he was sad. 

  
  


“I'd like that, Ro. Thank you.” 

  
  


xXx

  
  


Roman and Seth are just finishing up their breakfast when there's a knock at the door, and Seth’s eyebrows crease as he gets up to open it. Roman gets up and starts to clear away the table. They’d had a lazy morning, after their conversation they'd shared soft kisses and their hands had explored each other's bodies until they dragged themselves out of bed because of growling stomachs, and Roman had cooked them his special carb busting breakfast that he cooks for Cesaro. Seth had mentioned his love for Crossfit, which Roman never did but was very familiar with because Cesaro was a nut about it too. So he cooked them breakfast and they sat and ate it, playing footsie underneath the table like teenagers. 

  
  


“Rome, c’mere!” He hears Seth shout as he's piling the plates up ready to swill and put into the dishwasher. Roman heads out into the hallway where Seth is standing at the front door, arms crossed over his chest. When Roman can see who's at the front door, he almost growls. 

  
  


“What are you doing here, Dean?” 

  
  


Dean’s got his hands shoved into his jean pockets, wearing a well worn leather jacket and t-shirt with some weird logo on. The sun is shining down in his face, bringing out the redness of his hair and his beard that he's grown. Roman hadn't really  _ looked  _ at Dean the two times he's seen him, always too preoccupied with something else, but now he is, he's noticing just how different he looks. No longer the boyish face with smooth skin, he was rugged,  _ a man.  _

  
  


“I came to talk to you, tried to call but you've still got my number blocked.” 

  
  


Roman scoffs, “What makes you think I want to talk to you?” 

  
  


“Come on Roman, please. We need to talk about last night before you go back… home.” 

  
  


Despite Dean looking less boyish and more manly now, he's still got those puppy dog eyes and he still knows how to use them. 

  
  


“Fine, but don't be too long, I gotta call my daughter.” He says, turning away from the door and heading back into the kitchen with Seth following behind him. 

  
  


“Sit there, I'm gonna’ go and put some clothes on.” Roman says to Dean, pointing at the kitchen table as he realises that he's not actually wearing many clothes, just his grey sweats and no underwear underneath. It had been fine for Seth to see, but not Dean. 

  
  


He follows Seth up the stairs and follows him into his room grabbing his shirt from the floor. 

  
  


“I'm gonna’ head to the gym, don't think I could sit and listen to him making excuse after excuse.” Seth says, changing into his gym clothes and Roman really can't help but stare at his body. 

  
  


“He’ll be gone before you get back, okay? And then, we can go and see some old and possibly new friends?” Roman says softly coming up behind Seth and wrapping his arms around his waist. Seth immediately sinks into his arms, his own hands coming to rest on top of Roman’s. 

  
  


“That sounds great, Rome.” 

  
  


Roman turns Seth around in his arms and pulls him in for a kiss. Kissing Seth is  _ really  _ nice. It makes him feel warm inside, and it's so natural, like he should have been doing this forever. 

  
  


“I'll see you later,” 

  
  


Seth looks breathless as he nods, and Roman can't help but grin at him. It's, it's really nice to have an affect on someone. 

  
  


“See you later, Rome.”  Seth grabs his gym bag and Roman follows him down the stairs, back into the kitchen where Dean is sat at the table, fingers drumming on the surface and knee bouncing as he scrolls through his phone. 

  
  


He looks up and watches Seth leave, before looking back to Roman and frowning. 

  
  


“What's going on there, then?” 

  
  


Roman raises an eyebrow and almost smirks, “Wouldn’t you like to know.” He says. “We’re not here to talk about that, anyway.” 

  
  


Dean frowns even more, “Yeah I would like to know, my brother and my-” 

  
  


“Dean, say whatever you came to say or you're going to have to leave.” 

  
  


Dean says, rubbing a hand over his face and putting his phone down on the table. “What happened last night, Roman?” 

  
  


Roman shrugs as he starts to load the dishwasher. He takes his time, swilling off the plates and their mugs before he puts them in, anything to avoid Dean’s eyes. 

  
  


“I snapped, after twelve years of holding my tongue I finally snapped.” 

  
  


“You couldn't have snapped without telling mom and dad we used to fuck?” 

  
  


A laugh forces its way out of his chest, “That's all it was to you wasn't it? Just a fuck.” 

  
  


Dean groans pinching the bridge of his nose, “No of course not Rome you know that. But they didn't need to know, dad nearly had a heart attack when you left.” 

  
  


“They didn't need to know? Dean how the hell was I supposed to explain how much you fucked me up without telling them why?” 

  
  


“Roman…” 

  
  


“What? You really don't have a clue, do you? You don't have one idea about what my life has been like since you ruined it.” 

  
  


“Roman, I said I was sorr-” 

  
  


“Actually no you didn't, Dean. You've never apologised to me. Never apologise to me for breaking my heart, using me, keeping me as the other guy,  _ lying to me,  _ telling me that you and Seth were over and then getting fucking engaged!” Roman’s voice gets louder and louder with every word he says until he's shouting. Dean looks down at his lap, not able to meet Roman’s eyes and Roman has to turn away to stop himself from screaming at him more. 

  
  


“I am sorry Roman.” 

  
  


“Sometimes sorry isn't good enough, Dean. I’ve been waiting for an apology for a long time, but life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.” Roman says, and he remembers Seth telling him that, years ago when he still lived at home and Dean had only cheated on him once. 

  
  


“I want to know why, though. But first, I'll let you know exactly what you did to me. And then you can tell me  _ why _ you did that to me, and why you threw me to the dirt even though I'm your brother.” 

  
  


When Dean doesn't say anything, Roman continues talking. He tells Dean everything, he tells him how he hid the fact fact that his ribs still hurt, tells him about when Dean went to college and he tried to surprise him by going to see him at thanksgiving, and that he'd had to whore himself out to his boss to make the money but when he got there Dean wasn't there. He tells him about his pill and alcohol addiction, that he used to whore himself out just because it numbed the pain. 

  
  


By the end of it Dean really can't look at him. He's playing with his fingers, and when he does look at him Roman can see that his eyes are rimmed red, like he's on the verge of crying. 

  
  


“Roman, I didn't, God, I never knew. I didn't know you were going through all of that.” 

  
  


Roman laughs harshly, “Yeah I know, you were too busy with your own perfect life to see that I was in self destruct mode.” He says slowly. Dean sniffles, sitting up straighter in his chair as he fixes Roman with a look. 

  
  


“I'm sorry Roman, I really am. If I'd have known I wouldn't ha-” 

  
  


“Wouldn't have played me like you did? You'd have taken pity on me instead?” Roman bites, and Dean opens and closes his mouth. “Why. Did. You. Do. It.” 

  
  


Dean is silent for a long time, hand running through his hair before he speaks. 

  
  


“Because I loved you Ro. I do, I love you. I've loved you since we were kids and I was always scared of what that meant. I thought that if I moved on then those feelings would go away. So I moved on with Seth and I did fall in love with him, and I thought that would mean that I wouldn't love you anymore but I did. And I tried to forget those feelings honestly I did. But you were just always there looking so beautiful and loving me and looking after me and I just. I couldn't stop myself. And then I got hooked, almost, on how you made me feel. And I should have been better, I should have told you about Seth but I knew you wouldn't want me anymore and I couldn't lose you. I'm selfish, Roman. I've always wanted you both. I just, never communicated that to anyone.” 

  
  


Roman always thought that when Dean told him what made him do it, that it would be some elaborate story that would make sense, that he’d be able to say,  _ that makes sense.  _ But that doesn't. It just proves to him that his brother only cares about himself, that he’d willingly hurt the people who loved him and he loved just to get what he wanted. 

  
  


“Why did you cheat on Seth?” 

  
  


“What? With you? Roman I just-” 

  
  


“No, with Sami. I wasn't here, and if you loved him like you said you did then why the hell did you cheat on him?” 

  
  


“Like I said, I'm selfish. Someone showed me attention and I ate it up.” He says simply, and Roman is disgusted with him. He doesn't even know who his brother is anymore. 

  
  


“You're that much of a, a  _ slut  _ for attention, that you’d cheat on your fiancé? For a second time?” 

  
  


“I know,” Dean sighs, leaning forward in his chair, “I know Roman I'm a mess, okay? But I can change. I can change for the right person.” 

  
  


“What the hell is that supposed to mean? You had Seth, I don't think it gets anymore “right” than him.” Roman deadpans. Dean stands, coming up close to Roman and forcing Roman to stumble back against the countertops. He hasn't been this close to Dean in years, hasn't felt his warm breath against his lips in so long and whereas once it used to feel like the most right thing in the world, it now feels wrong, so so wrong. 

  
  


“Roman, I love you. I always have and I always will. I just… I need you. And I want you. I want us to finally settle down. Now mom and dad know, we can deal with everything else. I can finally give you all the attention you deserve and spend the rest of my life making up to you what I failed when we were kids. I promise.” 

  
  


Roman wasn't expecting those words. And they're swimming around his brain in chaotic movements, trying to latch onto some kind of response. Finally, with a dry mouth, Roman manages to say, 

  
  


“What about Sami?” 

  
  


Dean shrugs, “It's only casual at the moment, we both see other people.” 

  
  


Roman hadn't expected that, either, seeing as he'd taken them to meet their parents, but again, Dean was a mystery. Roman swallows, a good ninety percent of his brain is screaming at him to push Dean away, to get far away from him as possible because he's finally healed. He's finally moving on with his life,  _ moved on.  _ But then there's just that last small ten percent telling him, asking him, what would it be like? Dean was always the one who got away, that no matter how much he fucked him up he will always love.  _ So much.  _

  
  


Dean leans in closer, brushing his lips against Roman’s softly, 

  
  


“So what do you say Rome, will you give me another chance?” 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi there! this is just a short chapter, but it kind of needs to be to set some upcoming things up. also im in between trying to get a job and having major jaw pains so i just wanted to get this out... i hope you enjoy, anyway! reach me on tumblr @ psychrollins

Roman swallows, and for a moment he thinks his body is going to react to Dean like it used to. Where he couldn't resist his touch no matter how mad at him he was, but he surprises himself by pushing Dean away forcefully. 

  
  


Dean looks surprised too, like he'd expected Roman to pull him in easily and kiss him and say  _ yes, I'll give you another chance.  _

  
  


But Roman can't give him another chance. He doesn't want to. He's healed now, he's moved on, living hundreds of miles away with a perfect family. And then there's Seth. So they've slept together once and have only been reunited for a week, but Roman would really like to see where it goes, even if it ends when Roman goes back to Hawaii. 

  
  


“Get out,” Roman says, pointing at the hallway. “Get out and don't come here again unless it's to do with your separation from Seth.” Roman growls, and Dean glares at him. 

  
  


“This is about him, isn't it? You guys are fucking, right?” 

  
  


He says, hard and angry, a steep contrast from his earlier tone. 

  
  


“And what's it to you?” Roman spits back, “You used us both, you threw us both away so fuck you! You don't get to judge us.” 

  
  


Dean scoffs, “He can't give you what you want Roman, what you need. Seth won't be able to take you to that place that I did, or that place that you sort out when you gave yourself to-” 

  
  


“Get the fuck out Dean!” Roman screams, his heart hurting at the words his  _ brother  _ just said to him. Dean looks at him, hard, before he sighs frustratedly and leaves. 

  
  


Roman’s shaking again by the time the door is slammed shut, and he leans against the counter with his head in his hands as he tries not to cry. He didn't expect to see Dean today, and he didn't expect to have that kind of conversation with him, let alone it turn out like that. 

  
  


Roman breathes through it, until he's not shaking anymore and he finishes cleaning up his and Seth’s breakfast before heading upstairs for a shower. He washes away the feeling of Dean so close to him, and he scrubs at his face and lips to make sure there's no trace of him. 

  
  


When he gets out of the shower and back downstairs, Seth is back and making himself a protein shake. He's also shirtless and sweaty. 

  
  


“Hey, how did it go?” Seth asks him, and Roman can't help but stare at his bare chest. 

  
  


“Well, it ended with me screaming at him to leave, so. Not good.” 

  
  


“What happened?” 

  
  


“He asked for another chance. He wanted me back.” 

  
  


Seth looks at him confused, drinking some of the shake. Roman watches as he swallows, and a little bead of sweat rolls down the side of his face and down his neck, and it's more than distracting because Roman cant’t take his eyes off of him. 

  
  


Roman’s eyes go up to Seth’s lips when he sees them start to move, and he forces himself to focus on what he's saying. 

  
  


“He really thought you'd take him back after everything he did to you?” 

  
  


Roman shrugs, “I guess so.” 

  
  


“What about Sami?” 

  
  


“He said they were just casual and they were both seeing other people, too.” 

  
  


“And yet he took him to meet his parents?” 

  
  


Roman nods again, and watches how Seth rolls his eyes and shakes his head, taking another sip of his shake. More sweat rolls down his face and neck, and Roman’s eyes track the movements of it, how it rolls slowly down his neck and into a pool at his collarbones, some escaping and travelling further down his chest until they reach sharp v lines above the waistband on his shorts. 

  
  


“Rome, are you okay?” 

  
  


Roman’s eyes snap back to Seth’s face, and he's looking at him worriedly and Roman can't help but blush at how he's been caught staring. 

  
  


“You know,” Roman starts, swallowing and standing up so he can walk closer to Seth. “One of the reasons why I didn't want to take Dean back was you.” He admits. Maybe it's too soon, to say something so bold, when they've slept together once and everything with them is so up in the air. But Roman is thirty years old, and he's spent too long being heartbroken and scared to take chances. Seth, to Roman’s relief, smiles, and takes the step needed to press their bodies together. 

  
  


“Really?” Seth’s arms wind around his neck, and Roman takes that as confirmation that he can settle his hands on his waist, feeling the warm, sweaty skin under his fingers. 

  
  


Roman nods, smiling as Seth’s eyes seem to sparkle. “Yeah. I know we're not, this is just, you know, it's not serious and we’re so far away from that at the moment. But I like you, and I'm, I want to see if anything can happen, if you're open to that.” 

  
  


“Teenage me is freaking out right now,” Seth grins, “But yeah, I'd really like that.” 

  
  


Roman grins too, and he leans forward so he can press his lips to Seth's, hands tightening around his waist as he pulls their bodies flush together. Roman’s heart races as Seth’s hands tangle in his hair and the kiss deepens. Roman hasn't done this since Dean, he's thirty years old and he's only told one person in his life that he liked them, and that he wanted to, well, be with them, in one way or another. 

  
  


They both pull away breathless, and Seth laughs softly. “God, I'm sorry, I'm so sweaty.” 

  
  


“I don't mind at all,” Roman grins, “But you might wanna’ shower before we head out to see the guys.” Roman says before he laughs, “On the other hand, Luke was always covered in oil and grease and refused to shower sometimes because he was lazy.” 

  
  


Seth kisses him one more time before he heads up to shower quickly, and Roman freshers up too before they both head out to the car. 

  
  


“So what's the deal with these guys?” 

  
  


Roman smiles as they pull out of Seth’s driveway. “They're good guys, they, pretty much saved me.” 

  
  


Seth raises his eyebrow and Roman’s hands tighten on the wheel as he elaborates. “Before you and Dean came back from college, just after I moved out of my parents place, I was, God I was a mess. I was constantly high or drunk, popping pills like they were vitamins, and I was going out to bars every night and finding guys who would fuck me and make it hurt.” Seth’s face softens and Roman shakes his head 

  
  


“One night I picked the wrong guy, and he wanted some weird crazy shit that I wasn't into and when I refused, he choked me out and left me behind a dumpster. Luke and Karl, they just happened to find me and help me out. They took care of me after that.” 

  
  


Seth gives him a sad smile, “They sound like good guys.” 

  
  


“Yeah, they are.” 

  
  


Roman’s not sure how they’ll react to seeing him, or whether they’ll still be at the garage they worked at, but he hopes they are. He hasn't spoke to them since he left, and he feels bad because they were so good to him. 

  
  


They pull up at the garage and Roman stares up at the old sign with nostalgia, remembering how he used to walk to work with Karl, most of the time with some sort of limp because of how hard he or Luke had fucked him the night before, but always feeling happy. 

  
  


Seth follows him under the half closed shutters, and the blast of the AC is another wave of nostalgia. Luke always cranked it all the way up while Roman, Karl and AJ complained about how cold it got sometimes. 

  
  


His heart jumps at the sight of Karl working underneath the hood of a pick up, and he clears his throat to get his attention. Karl’s eyes flit to him, and they seem to linger before they register. 

  
  


“Oh my god,” He says pulling away from the hood. “Roman?” 

  
  


Roman smiles, “Hey, miss me?” 

  
  


“Well I’ll be damned. Look at you, who are you and what did you do with my Roman?” 

  
  


Roman grins at that, “He’s four years clean.” 

  
  


Karl’s eyes light up and he steps over to him and throws his arms around him in a bone crushing hug. “I fucking knew you could do it” Karl breathes into his shoulder, and Roman wraps his arms around his old friend, basking in his warmth and the familiar smell of oil. 

  
  


“God, I need to get Luke, AJ’s not in today but Luke’s outback.” Karl steps out of Roman's arms and shouts over his shoulder for Luke. Roman hears the even more familiar voice of Luke shout from the back, and while they're waiting for him to make his way too them, he introduces Karl to Seth. They're in the middle of talking about football when Luke finally makes his way to them 

  
  


“Holy shit! Roman?” 

  
  


Luke is bigger than Roman remembers, he's definitely been working out at the gym, and he's still as tanned as ever so he's definitely still using fake tan. 

  
  


“Hey Luke.” 

  
  


“What the fuck! I thought you were gone forever?” 

  
  


Luke pulls him into a hug and Roman sinks into it. He really has missed his friends. 

  
  


“I'm just back for Nikki’s wedding.” Roman says, and Luke puts his hands on his shoulders, looking him up and down. 

  
  


“You look damn good, Ro.” 

  
  


“That's what sobriety does for you.”

  
  


Luke grins, “God I've missed you.” 

  
  


“Missed you too, Luke.” 

  
  


Luke hugs him again before he introduces himself to Seth. 

  
  


“Hey, we're heading out for bears tomorrow night with AJ, you guys up for coming? AJ would really wanna see you, Ro.” Karl says when the phone rings and Luke has to go off and answer it. 

  
  


Tomorrow is John’s stag party, which Roman isn't even sure he wants to go to because Dean will be there, but he guesses he can go for a while and then leave to meet up with his old friends. He looks to Seth who smiles and nods. 

  
  


“I have nothing planned, you know I don't.” 

  
  


Roman laughs and turns back to Karl, “We’ll be there, text me time and address, I still have the same number.” 

  
  


“Of course you do.” 

  
  


Roman says his goodbyes to them once Luke is done on the phone, and he leaves with a smile on his face, letting his hand slip into Seth’s as they head back to the car. 

  
  


“You wanna go and grab some lunch?” 

  
  


Seth looks to him, squinting into the sun, “Like a date?” 

  
  


“Yeah. Like a date.” 

  
  


“I'd like that.” 

  
  


They're slipping into the car when Roman’s phone chimes with a message. He pulls his phone out as he starts the car. 

  
  


**Nikki:** _ are you free? Need you urgently - wedding cancelled  _


End file.
